If meeting your ex-wife’s new boyfriend is something you’re debating – or being forced into – it’s probably going to be awkward.
Awkward doesn’t mean it can’t go as well as possible though.
There are pros and cons to meeting your ex’s new partner, my best advice is to weigh these up and see if you’re ready or not.
Here are the main pros and cons to meeting your ex-wife’s new boyfriend and what to expect:
5 Reasons to Meet Your Ex-Wife’s New Boyfriend
1. Because You’ll Have To Meet Him At Some Point
If it’s inevitable that you’re going to cross paths with them at some point, you may as well do it on your own terms.
You can control the situation more if you’re the one who initiates it, rather than being caught off guard.
It’s a lot less awkward than bumping into them when you’re not prepared, and you’ll also be able to set up an excuse to get away quickly if needed!
2. It’ll Show Her That You’ve Moved On
If you’ve already started dating again and your ex-wife sees that, she may feel like she needs to one-up you by introducing her new boyfriend.
By meeting him it shows that you’re not hung up on her and that you’re confident enough to meet her new partner without any jealousy or drama.
It’s a very mature way to handle the situation, and for some relationships, this is a big step in showing that you’ve both moved on.
3. You’ll Feel Better Knowing Who She’s Dating
Even though you’re divorced and you’ve both moved on, I’m sure you still care about your ex-wife and you want the best for her.
If you’re curious about who she’s dating and what kind of person he is, meeting him can help put your mind at ease.
It’s a tricky situation because even if you don’t think he’s going to treat her well, it’s probably not your place to say anything.
I think most people will agree, however, that knowing who their ex is dating is better than not knowing, even if they’re not right for them.
4. It’ll Satisfy Any Curiosity You Have About Her New Partner
I think most of us want to know what our exes are up to after a breakup, and if you haven’t seen your ex-wife in a while, you might be wondering what kind of person she’s dating, etc.
If you’re curious about her new partner, meeting him can help satisfy that curiosity.
It’s possible you might not like what you see, but it’s better to know than have curiosity swirling around in your head.
5. You May Get Along Great and Become Friends!
This is a long-shot, but it’s possible you’ll meet your ex-wife’s new boyfriend and realize he’s a great guy and get along really well.
If this happens, it could lead to a friendship between the three of you and make things less awkward when you do see each other.
This is especially important if you have kids together, need to see each other due to shared family and friends, or for some other reason.
5 Reasons NOT to Meet Your Ex-Wife’s New Boyfriend
1. She Might Be Trying to Make You Jealous
It’s common for an ex to want to make their ex jealous after a breakup, it’s a way of making themselves feel better.
Psychologists describe it as a form of control and self-protection. It’s a behavior you want to stay well clear of!
2. He Might Be Rude or Aggressive Towards You
Another potential issue is that your ex-wife’s boyfriend might be aggressive or rude towards you.
Let’s be real here, men can be competitive creatures when it comes to partners, and some guys will feel like they need to come in and become the protector.
It can create an awkward atmosphere if he’s standoffish, or worse if he’s coming across as aggressive.
If you think he’s going to be hostile, it’s best to just avoid meeting him.
3. It’s Too Soon for You
If it’s only been a short while since your divorce, it might be too soon for you to be meeting your ex’s new partner.
You might not be ready to see her with someone else as it might dredge up old feelings, and that’s perfectly fine.
It’s important to listen to your gut on this one and if you’re not ready, don’t force yourself to do it.
It’s better to wait a while until you’re in a good place emotionally before meeting him.
4. You Know Who Her Boyfriend Is and Don’t Want Him in Your Life
With social media, mutual friends, and the possibility that you live in the same city, maybe you know who her new boyfriend is and something about him?
If so, and if you’ve heard – or know – that he’s not the type of guy you want to be acquainted with, then you shouldn’t meet him.
Of course, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions and you should keep an open mind if you know nothing about him.
Even if you’ve just seen him on social media or around town, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
So be careful with this one.
5. There Is No Reason for Either of Them to Be in Your Life
If you have no reason to stay in touch with your ex and you don’t want to make the time to meet her and her new boyfriend, then you shouldn’t do it.
Maybe you’re still friends and on good terms, but if anything about meeting them doesn’t feel right, then you shouldn’t feel compelled to.
It could be for any of the reasons already mentioned, or you simply do not need a reason.
What Should You Do When You Meet Your Ex-Wife’s New Boyfriend?
If you’re anxious about meeting him, don’t be.
You shouldn’t do anything other than turn up and be yourself!
Don’t try and impress him, don’t show any ill feelings – if you’re feeling like you want to act out my best advice is not to go.
It’s not worth it and you’ll only regret it.
I hope this has helped give some clarity on the situation and given you something to think about.
If you have any questions or would like to share your experiences, please leave a comment below!
Image credits – Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.