I’ve heard this argument a lot, from the husband’s side; “my wife doesn’t cook or clean!”
From the wife’s side; “I shouldn’t be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning!”
This is a hotly debated topic, but one thing I do know – when one spouse isn’t pulling their weight, the marriage is likely to fall apart.
Should a Wife Do the Cooking and Cleaning?
I think just about everyone reading this will agree, it should not be expected that a wife does all the cooking and cleaning.
Certain religions aside, it’s not the 1930s anymore!
But that doesn’t mean that a wife shouldn’t do all the cooking and cleaning if it makes sense for the dynamic of your household.
I also know a few women who react badly to being expected or told to do these household chores as they feel like they’re being forced to be obedient spouses.
This shouldn’t be the case either, and with some good communication, you should be able to divide the house chores and both be happy with your roles.
Related – Signs your wife’s job is getting in the way of your relationship.
The Importance of Both Spouses Pulling Their Weight
In a perfect world, both spouses would work or one would care for the kids (also a full-time job) and come home to a clean house and dinner on the table.
But we don’t live in a perfect world, and often one spouse works more than the other or one spouse prefers certain chores.
This can put a lot of pressure on the working spouse, coming home to a house that’s not clean or having to cook dinner every night.
It can also lead to arguments about who is doing more work and feeling unappreciated.
One spouse shouldn’t have to do everything, it’s just not fair!
People also have different expectations and are willing to live under different conditions, which leads to arguments in a relationship.
If you haven’t yet learned that living with someone and (tolerating) accepting their habits and differing options is tough, you soon will do!
How to Divide Household Chores as a Married Couple
It seems like a strange thing to do for a lot of married couples, but writing down a schedule of who’s doing what might be one of the best things you ever do.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, just a simple list of what tasks need to be completed every day or week and who is going to do them.
If you’re both working full-time jobs, it might make sense for one person to cook dinner while the other cleans up.
Or maybe you can take turns cooking and doing the dishes.
You can also switch up the household chores every week or month so that no one gets too bored with their assigned tasks.
The important thing is that you’re both doing your fair share and not putting all the burden on one person.
What to Do if You Have a Lazy Wife?
Gender roles and expectations aside, if you just have a lazy wife it’s going to take a toll on your relationship.
What you shouldn’t do is get angry and try and push her to chip in with the housework, that’s just going to push her away and make her resent the idea.
This doesn’t mean you should give up on her either, there is always a way to find a balance if you’re both committed to the relationship.
Some of the things you can do to provide the help and support she needs to break her habit of being lazy include:
- Talk to her about your expectations and why you think it’s important for her to help out more around the house.
- Work with her to come up with a plan of action that will help her be more productive. This could involve setting small goals or creating a daily or weekly schedule.
- Encourage and praise her when she does make an effort to help out more.
- Be understanding if she has a lot on her plate and is struggling to find the time or energy to do more.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that we all have different capabilities and limits.
If your wife is lazy, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, it just means that she might need some help and support to get out of her funk.
With some patience and understanding, you should be able to find a way to work around her laziness and make your relationship stronger in the process.
Related – How some couples do a trial separation under the same roof.
Is a Messy House Grounds for Divorce?
A messy house is not grounds for divorce, at least it’s not a standalone issue I’ve ever seen listed as grounds.
However, it can be a symptom of some underlying issues in the relationship.
For example, if one spouse is a neat freak and the other is a slob, that can lead to arguments and tension.
If one person feels like they’re doing all the work around the house while the other doesn’t do anything, that can also lead to problems.
A messy house by itself isn’t usually enough to warrant a divorce. But if it’s indicative of some larger issues, it could be one of the factors that contribute to the decision.
Just as having a wife who never cooks or isn’t able to cook to very good quality could cause problems in a marriage.
A marriage is about give and take and communicating to resolve problems like these, I’m sure you’ll be able to work out a solution if you’re committed to doing so.
If your house is a little messy and dinner is rarely on the table when you get home but those are your only gripes, one way of looking at it is that it could be a lot worse, right!?
Image credits – Photo by Jordan Bauer on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
1 thought on “My Wife Doesn’t Cook or Clean! (How To Talk To Her)”
My wife just won’t cook and when I ask her to cook a meal she gets mad. I’m retired and she still works; with that said she always says I’m still working you’re not. So I just don’t say anything and now it’s gotten to the point where I’m not cooking anything; by the way her granddaughter is now living with us and she nasty too.