It’s a question that comes up a lot; How to get a commitment-phobe to commit?
That’s the question I’m answering in this article with 9 proven tips.
One of the main issues that prevent couples from getting together and staying together is one person has commitment issues.
However, with patience and understanding, this is something you can help a commitment-phobe work on!
9 Tips On How to Get a Commitment-Phobe to Commit
1. Make Sure Its Commitment Issues Holding Them Back
You may think they are a commitment-phobe and this is what’s holding them back from being with you, but have you asked them?
It’s never a good idea to assume something like this, you should have a conversation and see what they say.
Of course, it’s not going to be easy for them to admit it if they do have commitment issues, but they should give you some clues at least.
Either way, the more you know about why they’re not committing to you, the better placed you are to find a solution!
2. Never Pile on the Pressure
The last thing a commitment-phobe wants is to feel pressured into anything, that’s just going to make them recoil and push you away.
It’s important to take things slow and at the pace they’re comfortable with, letting them know that you’re in no rush and are happy to wait for them.
This way, they won’t feel like they have to make a decision about the relationship right away which can be very daunting for someone with commitment issues!
3. Encourage Them to Commit to Small Things at a Time
If you want them to commit to a long-term relationship with you, breaking the process down into smaller steps will feel less daunting to them.
Get them to commit to little things at first, like going on a date or meeting up for coffee on a regular basis, or even staying overnight at your place.
This way, they can get used to the idea of being in a committed relationship without feeling overwhelmed or if they’re being asked to commit to anything.
4. Constantly Reassure Them They’re Not Going to Get Hurt
A commitment-phobe is usually afraid of getting hurt, so it’s important to constantly reassure them that you’re not going to hurt them.
Let them know how much you care about them and that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt them.
This will help to build their trust in you and make them feel more secure saying ‘yes’ more often and getting closer to you.
5. Allow Them Plenty of Time for Themselves
It’s important to give a commitment-phobe plenty of time for themselves, as they will need space to feel comfortable with the idea of being in a committed relationship.
This doesn’t mean you should give them the silent treatment or stop talking to them altogether, but just be understanding if they need some time alone every now and then.
Keep in mind that it doesn’t mean they are any less into you, it’s more about how they feel about themselves.
6. Don’t Make Them Feel Like You’re Relying on Them
Another thing that commitment-phobes are afraid of is feeling like they’re being relied on, so it’s important not to make them feel this way.
Try not to put too much pressure on them or make them feel like they have to be there for you all the time.
It’s okay to be independent and show them that you can take care of yourself, this will actually make them feel more comfortable with the idea of being in a committed relationship with you.
7. Bring Them Into Your Circle of Friends at Their Pace
If you want a commitment-phobe to be comfortable committing to you, it’s important to bring them into your circle of friends at their pace.
Don’t force them to meet your friends if they’re not ready, as this will only make them feel uncomfortable and like they’re being pressured.
Let them take things at their own pace and when they’re ready, they’ll start bringing your friends into their world and feel better for doing so.
8. Be Patient and Willing to Work Through Their Insecurities
A commitment-phobe is usually insecure about something, whether it’s their looks, their job, or something from their past.
It’s important to be patient with them and be willing to work through their insecurities, as this might be the only way to enable them to feel more comfortable about committing to you.
Try to understand where they’re coming from and reassure them that they can move at their own pace and everything is going to work out just fine!
9. Don’t Let Their Commitment Issues Dominate Your Happiness
Finally, it’s important not to let their commitment issues get in the way of your happiness.
If you’re constantly worried about whether or not they’re going to commit to you, it’s only going to make you unhappy.
Focus on enjoying your time with them and don’t let the thought of a future together consume you, as this will only put more pressure on them and make them less likely to commit.
Even when you’re in a relationship with a commitment-phobe, there will be shaky moments where their low self-esteem or self-doubt cause them to question if they’re making the right decision.
This isn’t a reflection on you, it’s them. They have their own issues to deal with, your role is to be a loving and supportive partner.
Related – Signs to look for of a married player!
Do Commitment-Phobes Ever Commit?
Yes, commitment-phobes are capable of committing to one person.
It’s more difficult for them to commit, and it’s going to take longer and be more challenging for them than a person without commitment issues – but it’s still possible.
The key is to be patient, understanding, and supportive.
If you can do these things for them, then you give them the best chance possible of committing to you.
Just remember not to put too much pressure on them or try to force them into anything, as this will only make things worse.
Take things at their pace and let them come to you when they’re ready, and eventually – they might just surprise you!
Image credits – Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.