My Husband Did Nothing for Our Anniversary (What To Say/Do!)

My Husband Did Nothing for Our Anniversary

If your husband did nothing for your anniversary, I know how dejected and disappointed you must feel.

I don’t want to make excuses for him, but I do want to say that it doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest in you!

However, before jumping to conclusions – or giving him a verbal bashing – it’s worth investigating why he didn’t do anything.

As well as talking about it with him and letting him know how it made you feel and see where he goes from there!

Why Didn’t Your Husband Do Anything for Your Anniversary?

First of all, it is possible that your husband genuinely forgot.

He might have been so preoccupied with work or other things going on in his life, that the date completely slipped his mind.

If this is the case, then it’s not a reflection on your relationship and you can easily forgive and move on from it.

It could also be that your husband didn’t think you would want to celebrate your anniversary.

This might be because you usually don’t make a big deal out of it, or he knows that you’re not the type of person who likes grand gestures.

Either way, this is something you need to talk about with your husband so that he knows how you feel and what you expect from him in the future.

The only way you’re going to know for sure is by asking him, don’t try to guess.

I know you might not want to bring it up, but if it’s bothering you, you really should.

Related Tips for living with an emotionally distant husband.

Should You Forgive Him for Not Celebrating Your Anniversary?

The answer to twofold;

For one, it depends on the reason why your husband didn’t do anything for your anniversary.

As I said, I’m not here to make excuses for him, but it’s only fair that you hear from his mouth why he didn’t do anything and how he feels about it.

For example, I have a friend who used to suffer terribly from anxiety around key dates like his anniversary, it meant so much to him that he pleased his wife that he often froze and did nothing!

It wasn’t until they talked it over and she reassured him that it’s the thought that counts and she didn’t expect the world every year that he was able to do something each year.

The other part to this answer is that forgiveness is important to your mental health.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing your husband, but you can’t hold it against him or harbor any anger – that’s just going to corrode your relationship over time.

The real question here is how your husband explains himself, and how he acts in the future once he knows how you feel about him not celebrating your anniversary!

Remember, Communication Is Everything

Miscommunications have caused wars, so it’s fair to say that communication is essential when trying to understand someone else’s motivations – or lack thereof.

It’s easy to feel that your husband not doing anything for your anniversary is a personal attack or shows that he really doesn’t care.

But this might not be the case.

I know it hurts, I know you feel disappointed and upset, but try to see it from his point of view before flying off the handle.

The worst thing you can do is start an argument or give him the silent treatment without first trying to understand where he’s coming from.

I guarantee you, it’ll make a world of difference!

Not only do you need to discuss why and how he missed your anniversary, but you also need to make it clear what you would like, or expect from this special day.

Everyone has different expectations, and as I explained earlier, it fills some people with anxiety and dread trying to meet those expectations.

You need to find the perfect balance of letting your husband know what you would like to do for your anniversary, and also take into account what you think – or know – he is comfortable with.

There is no point demanding or expecting something that’s going to make him uncomfortable, he’ll just clam up.

At the same time, it’s OK to give him a little nudge. Let’s be real here, some guys need a little nudge!

The bottom line is; you need to take into account his intentions, the effort he put in, and what you can reasonably expect from him.

Related What to do if your husband likes a friend of yoursand how to deal with a withdrawn husband.

If He Doesn’t Listen and Make Amends, There Is a Problem

This is a no-brainer, but I’ll say it anyway.

If your husband doesn’t listen to you when you talk about how hurt and disappointed you are by him not celebrating your anniversary, then there is clearly a problem.

You need to be with someone who hears you, takes into account your feelings, and makes an effort to amend the situation.

It doesn’t matter how much he loves you, if he can’t do this then there is a fundamental problem with your relationship.

I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but you need to sit down with your husband and explain how you feel.

You might have to wait until next year to see if he does anything different. But I have a feeling that he’ll do something special to make it up to you once the penny drops!

Looking at the Broader Picture of Your Relationship

I know you’re here because your husband didn’t do anything for your anniversary and it’s upset you, but it’s a good time to look at whether or not this is a ‘one off’.

He messed up on one day, I get it, and it’s an important day. It’s the day the two of you got married, one of (hopefully) the happiest days of your lives.

But what about the other 364 days of the year?

Does he always make you feel loved and appreciated?

Do you generally have a good relationship?

Is he a good husband?

These are the things you need to think about.

I’m not saying that what he did was OK, but you need to take into account the whole picture.

Don’t let one bad day overshadow all the good days you’ve had, and will continue to have if he’s a great husband.

Image credits – Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

6 thoughts on “My Husband Did Nothing for Our Anniversary (What To Say/Do!)”

  1. Thank you, for this prospective. Honestly a lot of my frustrations and pains come from the lack of feeling seen or valued in our relationship. Disregarding and the lack of acknowledgment on this day that I have been talking about all week. Creates such a disappointment and hurt 😞 in my heart and stomach. My feelings are truly crushed and broken. I don’t even know how to have a conversation with him because I know my hurt will display as anger. Reading this article assisted with trying to see his perspective. But doesn’t displace the feelings I am having about his actions or lack their of. Literally just another day for him.

  2. Anniversary was November 2nd. 16 years, together 10 years prior. The week before, I made some suggestions to go to dinner, he never answered me. I bought him a card, put some lottery scratch offs in it. Bought him some much needed casual outfits, I got nothing, not even an apology or excuse for not recognizing this important day. I don’t know what to think. I am hurt, angry and on top of this, you can’t talk to this man about feelings, he shuts down, never apologizes for anything. I don’t know what to do.

  3. 58 yrs of marriage and he still doesn’t do anything. I used to make sure we had one day out of the year to celebrate but I give up.He don’t buy gifts for any occasion.I feel that I don’t matter now that I am older but I guess I never did.

  4. Our 30-year anniversary was a few days ago. Thirty. Not 27, 23 or 32. A round number. In my mind, this should be a bigger deal than the other dates. He doesn’t do anything special for the other dates and I’ve told him before how I’ve come to hate Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc.. and that I don’t celebrate them any more to avoid being disappointed and hurt when he doesn’t put any effort into commemorating those special dates. On the day of our anniversary, a reminder on his phone must have beeped. He panic-ordered some flowers online for same-day delivery and made a reservation at a local restaurant for the next day. Sorry – while I understand that this is more than some wives get – to me, that wasn’t anything special. Ever since the pandemic, we’ve been eating out all the time – not because he wants to take me out for a treat or try a cool new restaurant that he heard about from a colleague – but because I chose to because I was tired of cooking and because we could afford to now, especially now that the children have left the nest. As for the flowers, it takes him two minutes to do. It’s become his go-to-doesn’t-require-any-thought-fallback-emergency-plan. I actually find it insulting. He puts way more planning, thought, time, care and effort into his daily online games, puzzles, crosswords, trivia, hockey/football pools, and planning line-ups and writing weekly summaries for his tennis team than he spent making plans for our 30-year anniversary. His priorities are painfully clear. He spent maybe 5 minutes total to order the flowers and make a reservation. It didn’t feel like he actually cared because I see how much effort and care he puts into lots of things that are meaningless and trivial – but that matter to him. That’s what it boils down to. Only things that matter to him are important to him. He doesn’t pay any attention to what I care about. Only things that matter to him take up any room in his heart and head – and it’s clear that I am not in that category. We were at a party when the topic of our anniversary came up – married for thirty years. He merrily pointed out that I was the one who “forgot” our anniversary. I didn’t forget. He seems to have forgotten that I was in the middle of planning something for our anniversary when we decided to do something for Father’s Day instead (same weekend). I didn’t pick up the planning for our anniversary again because I’m always the one who does all the planning. I just didn’t want to be hurt so I tried not to think about it and tried not to expect anything from him. As far as I’m concerned, we didn’t really celebrate our anniversary. I did way more for his 56th birthday two weeks ago. Like one of the other women who have commented here, I have not been able to talk to him about how I feel because my hurt will just come out as anger. Maybe I will copy this note and send it to him. I’m sure that would not go over well. Instead of seeing how hurt I am and trying to make amends, he will just get defensive and refuse to acknowledge that his actions were hurtful to me. His pride and his ego are more important to him than making me happy. He will insist that what he did was just fine and that I have no reason to feel the way I do. If I ask him to make it up to me, he will refuse to. He will do nothing. And the hurt will just get buried, fester and never go away. It will grow every time it happens again. How do I know this? Because we’ve been through this scenario a million times already. Talking to him and telling him how I feel and what I want from him has proven to be fruitless time and time again.

  5. We will have been married 20 years tomorrow. For every anniversary we’ve had, I’ve had to mention it to get to go out to dinner and celebrate. It seems that each year around the time of our anniversary, his relatives call and talk about themselves but never mention our anniversary. It’s as if they’re trying to be sure we don’t have a good time on our anniversary! This year, they called for a legitimate reason: one brother is in the hospital for surgery. A 2nd surgery will happen on our anniversary day. God forbid he dies while in surgery on that day, needless to say that day will surely always be remembered as being the anniversary of his brother’s death, not a memorial of our wedding day. I believe the only reason he married me is because I had a great job & healthcare and he didn’t. He used all of my saved up healthcare funds w/in a matter of a few years! Before we got married, I tried to push the wedding date out into the future. He got so violently mad I went ahead w/ the wedding since he, of course, knew where I lived and I feared for my life. Now that we’re married, I frequently fear for my life when he gets angry out of the blue over things no sane person would. I can’t leave since I own our home, cars, etc. He won’t leave since he has no car, etc. He oddly never wants any new clothes, shoes, etc. Practically every time I’ve bought them for him, I either am forced to return them or he keeps them and refuses to ever wear them. I believe I’m married to a psychopath but live in a state that protects criminals like him so I feel stuck. Ironically, his mother married us. Since that time, it’s been very obvious that she was a fake minister. She passed away years ago. I don’t have close family; however, they too, have issues of their own they’re dealing w/ so they aren’t of any help. Years ago, I overheard one of his brothers tell him to get rid of me. He, himself, had a great wife but treated her poorly. He dated another great catch after her. She dumped him due to the way he abused her. Now he’s married to another nice lady. Surely she’ll soon find out what a POS he is! They are celebrating their 1 year anniversary w/ a huge bash to which they invited us. What a slap in the face to us since we’ve been married 20 yrs and aren’t doing anything of significance! My husband and I have never had a social life and don’t go on vacations. I used to enjoy going out dancing and singing karaoke. He has zero personality. The only reason I stay w/ him is fear because he has proven himself to be the type who doesn’t want anyone to have me if he can’t. In other words, it appears that the only options I have are: stay w/ him and have some good and bad days; be permanently injured in some way (I got a broken arm last year when I fell in fear of getting otherwise harmed by him) or be dead. Getting married truly appears to be the biggest mistake of my life. It’s most definitely far more easy to get married than it is to get out of being married!

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