My Husband Did Nothing for Our Anniversary (What To Say/Do!)

If your husband did nothing for your anniversary, I know how dejected and disappointed you must feel.

I don’t want to make excuses for him, but I do want to say that it doesn’t always mean he’s losing interest in you!

However, before jumping to conclusions – or giving him a verbal bashing – it’s worth investigating why he didn’t do anything.

As well as talking about it with him and letting him know how it made you feel and see where he goes from there!

Why Didn’t Your Husband Do Anything for Your Anniversary?

First of all, it is possible that your husband genuinely forgot.

He might have been so preoccupied with work or other things going on in his life, that the date completely slipped his mind.

If this is the case, then it’s not a reflection on your relationship and you can easily forgive and move on from it.

It could also be that your husband didn’t think you would want to celebrate your anniversary.

This might be because you usually don’t make a big deal out of it, or he knows that you’re not the type of person who likes grand gestures.

Either way, this is something you need to talk about with your husband so that he knows how you feel and what you expect from him in the future.

The only way you’re going to know for sure is by asking him, don’t try to guess.

I know you might not want to bring it up, but if it’s bothering you, you really should.

Related Tips for living with an emotionally distant husband.

Should You Forgive Him for Not Celebrating Your Anniversary?

The answer to twofold;

For one, it depends on the reason why your husband didn’t do anything for your anniversary.

As I said, I’m not here to make excuses for him, but it’s only fair that you hear from his mouth why he didn’t do anything and how he feels about it.

For example, I have a friend who used to suffer terribly from anxiety around key dates like his anniversary, it meant so much to him that he pleased his wife that he often froze and did nothing!

It wasn’t until they talked it over and she reassured him that it’s the thought that counts and she didn’t expect the world every year that he was able to do something each year.

The other part to this answer is that forgiveness is important to your mental health.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing your husband, but you can’t hold it against him or harbor any anger – that’s just going to corrode your relationship over time.

The real question here is how your husband explains himself, and how he acts in the future once he knows how you feel about him not celebrating your anniversary!

Remember, Communication Is Everything

Miscommunications have caused wars, so it’s fair to say that communication is essential when trying to understand someone else’s motivations – or lack thereof.

It’s easy to feel that your husband not doing anything for your anniversary is a personal attack or shows that he really doesn’t care.

But this might not be the case.

I know it hurts, I know you feel disappointed and upset, but try to see it from his point of view before flying off the handle.

The worst thing you can do is start an argument or give him the silent treatment without first trying to understand where he’s coming from.

I guarantee you, it’ll make a world of difference!

Not only do you need to discuss why and how he missed your anniversary, but you also need to make it clear what you would like, or expect from this special day.

Everyone has different expectations, and as I explained earlier, it fills some people with anxiety and dread trying to meet those expectations.

You need to find the perfect balance of letting your husband know what you would like to do for your anniversary, and also take into account what you think – or know – he is comfortable with.

There is no point demanding or expecting something that’s going to make him uncomfortable, he’ll just clam up.

At the same time, it’s OK to give him a little nudge. Let’s be real here, some guys need a little nudge!

The bottom line is; you need to take into account his intentions, the effort he put in, and what you can reasonably expect from him.

Related What to do if your husband likes a friend of yoursand how to deal with a withdrawn husband.

If He Doesn’t Listen and Make Amends, There Is a Problem

This is a no-brainer, but I’ll say it anyway.

If your husband doesn’t listen to you when you talk about how hurt and disappointed you are by him not celebrating your anniversary, then there is clearly a problem.

You need to be with someone who hears you, takes into account your feelings, and makes an effort to amend the situation.

It doesn’t matter how much he loves you, if he can’t do this then there is a fundamental problem with your relationship.

I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but you need to sit down with your husband and explain how you feel.

You might have to wait until next year to see if he does anything different. But I have a feeling that he’ll do something special to make it up to you once the penny drops!

Looking at the Broader Picture of Your Relationship

I know you’re here because your husband didn’t do anything for your anniversary and it’s upset you, but it’s a good time to look at whether or not this is a ‘one off’.

He messed up on one day, I get it, and it’s an important day. It’s the day the two of you got married, one of (hopefully) the happiest days of your lives.

But what about the other 364 days of the year?

Does he always make you feel loved and appreciated?

Do you generally have a good relationship?

Is he a good husband?

These are the things you need to think about.

I’m not saying that what he did was OK, but you need to take into account the whole picture.

Don’t let one bad day overshadow all the good days you’ve had, and will continue to have if he’s a great husband.


Image credits – Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

2 thoughts on “My Husband Did Nothing for Our Anniversary (What To Say/Do!)”

  1. Thank you, for this prospective. Honestly a lot of my frustrations and pains come from the lack of feeling seen or valued in our relationship. Disregarding and the lack of acknowledgment on this day that I have been talking about all week. Creates such a disappointment and hurt 😞 in my heart and stomach. My feelings are truly crushed and broken. I don’t even know how to have a conversation with him because I know my hurt will display as anger. Reading this article assisted with trying to see his perspective. But doesn’t displace the feelings I am having about his actions or lack their of. Literally just another day for him.

  2. Anniversary was November 2nd. 16 years, together 10 years prior. The week before, I made some suggestions to go to dinner, he never answered me. I bought him a card, put some lottery scratch offs in it. Bought him some much needed casual outfits, I got nothing, not even an apology or excuse for not recognizing this important day. I don’t know what to think. I am hurt, angry and on top of this, you can’t talk to this man about feelings, he shuts down, never apologizes for anything. I don’t know what to do.

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