One of the odd things about some guys is that they only seem to start caring once you stop.
It’s frustrating, especially if you’ve put your heart and soul into a relationship – but what is the right thing to do?
Should you go back to caring?
Are they worth a second chance?
Can you trust them?
Here are 10 explanations that answer that burning question, ‘why do guys start caring when you stop?’
Why Do Guys Start Caring When You Stop? (10 Possible Reasons!)
1. It’s Hit Him that He’s Messed Up
The reason why a lot of guys – or girls – do a u-turn when their partner stops caring, threatens to leave them, or similar, is because it hits them that they’ve messed up.
I can’t tell you whether it’s too late for them, that’s up to you.
But what I can tell you is that it’s a good sign that they’ve started caring, even if it is too little, too late.
Related – 11 signs a guy knows he messed up real bad!
2. He Didn’t Think You’d Stop Caring
If a guy has taken you for granted, he was enjoying being the one taking and might not have thought that you would ever stop caring.
It’s possible that he’s never had someone put their foot down with him before and so this is all new territory.
Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t know how to react at first when you back off and he comes across as awkward or even angry.
But if he starts to care and show his kind side, it’s a good sign that he has it in him to behave like that!
3. Someone Has Made Him See the Error of His Ways
This one is still a little hard to take as it shows that he’s still acting self-centered and doesn’t see the error of his ways, but at least something or someone has gotten through to him.
If a friend or family member points out that he was acting unreasonably and you’ve now stopped caring about him as a result, it’s a much-needed wake-up call for him.
On a positive note, at least he’s started caring and showing that he has a conscience, it’ll be interesting to see if he genuinely changes!
4. He’s Scared of Losing You
In line with having a wake-up call, if a guy notices you’ve stopped caring and thinks he’s going to lose you – this might have been what he needed to change his ways.
It takes a big shock to change some people and if this is what it took for him, then maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
It shows that he really does care about you even if it took him a while to realize it!
5. He’s Been Here Before and Knows What’s Coming
If a guy has been through something similar before – whether it be with you or another girl – he might start to care because he knows what’s coming.
It’s the whole, ‘I’ve been here before and I don’t want to go through that again’ thing.
It’s not a great reason because it shows that he’s not learning from his mistakes, I’d question how many chances you’re willing to give him.
6. They’re Trying to Manipulate You
This is a really low reason for someone to start caring but sadly, it does happen.
Some guys will try to make you feel guilty or play on your emotions in order to get you to start caring about them again.
7. He Misses how You Were Treating Him
If a guy starts to care after you’ve stopped, it might be because he misses how you were treating him.
You were probably being really loving and attentive before and now he’s realized what he had.
It sucks that it took him losing you to see it but at least now, he knows what he needs to do to make things right!
If you want to give him another chance, make sure he’s put in the effort first and that he’s shown he can change.
8. They Crave Attention
Some guys – and again, girls can be the same – will start to care because they’re used to getting a lot of attention from you and now they’re not getting it.
It’s possible that they feel insecure and are worried about losing you, which is why they’ve started caring.
It’s not the healthiest of reasons but if they start to show they care in other ways too, it might just be genuine!
9. They’re Selfish
‘Selfish’ is such a dirty word, and rightly so. But unfortunately, if someone only starts caring when you stop, it’s a pretty accurate way to describe them.
They’re not thinking about your feelings or how you might be feeling, they’re only thinking about themselves and how they can get you to start caring again.
It’s not a good sign and if this is the case, I’d suggest moving on.
10. Some People Never Realize What They Had Until It’s Gone
Ultimately, some people just never realize what they had until it’s gone or looks like they’re going to lose it.
It’s a sad fact but it’s true. And if this is the case, then there might be hope for him yet.
I’d be cautious about the future and make him prove that he’s really going to change, but maybe that’s just me being harsh!
Should You Give Him a Second Chance?
Now that you know some of the reasons why guys start caring when you stop, it’s up to you whether or not you give him a second chance.
It’s not something I can answer for you, as every individual situation is different.
But if you do decide to give him another chance, make sure that he’s put in the effort to change in the long-term and not just until he gets what he wants or you go back to caring!
How Can You Tell if A Guy Has Changed?
This is another question that’s hard to answer. But some signs that a guy has changed and is worth giving a second chance to, could be:
- He’s more considerate of your feelings
- He’s more attentive and loving
- He makes an effort to spend time with you
- He’s honest with you about his feelings
- He communicates with you more
- He’s put in the effort to change in other areas of his life too
Of course, this list isn’t exhaustive and everyone is different. But if you can see that he’s trying to change in a genuine way, then it might be worth giving him another chance!
Image credits – Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.