When your grown child hurts your feelings it can be incredibly upsetting.
I’ll state the obvious; relationships between parents and children can be volatile, frustrating, and difficult at times to say the least.
There is a whole new parenting dynamic that comes with a child becoming an adult, too.
Here are some tips for handling arguments or events where your grown child upsets you or hurts your feelings and how you should react.
What to Do When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings
1. Don’t React when Emotions Are High
If something your grown child says or does immediately rubs you the wrong way, never react when emotions are high.
The best advice for anyone who has had an argument is to take some time to calm down before approaching the situation.
This will help you avoid saying or doing something you’ll regret later on.
It will also give you a chance to collect your thoughts so you can better express how you’re feeling.
The same goes for your child. Give them all the time they need to cool off, too.
Related – Tips for dealing with overbearing parents at 20 and 40 years old!
2. Take a Step Back and Look at The Situation
Another good reason to take a time out after an incident is so that you can also take a step back and look at the situation from their view, your view, and somewhere in between!
It can be difficult to understand why your child is behaving in a certain way, and I’m not saying you’ll always find the perfect solution.
But it’s important to try and see things from their perspective as well as yours.
Oftentimes, there are underlying reasons for their behavior.
If you can manage to find some empathy and understanding, it will at least help you to find a middle ground and identify similar situations in the future.
3. Make Time to Sit and Talk About What Happened with Them
Once you’ve both had some time to cool down and process the situation, it’s important to make time to sit and talk about what happened with them.
This is vital in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your child.
It also shows that you’re willing to listen to their side of the story and try to see things from their side.
It’s also important not to brush incidents that upset one or both of you aside and let it simmer.
Talking about things openly and resolving issues will strengthen your relationship in the long run.
4. Remind Them That You’re Their Parent and You Always Have Their Best Interests at Heart
If your child is still behaving in a way that hurts your feelings, it’s important to remind them that you’re their parent and you always have their best interest at heart.
Let them know that you understand they’re adults now, but there are still certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
Reassure them that you’re always there for them and that you love them, and that you’d prefer they talk openly to you about issues.
But, at the end of the day, you’re still the parent.
You can’t let your child steamroll you or put you in uncomfortable spots that are continually upsetting or offending you.
5. Acknowledge that You Might Not Always Be Right
This one is hard for a lot of parents, but it’s important to acknowledge that you might not always be right.
There will be times when your child is the one in the right, and it’s crucial that you’re able to see that and apologize when needed.
It takes a big person to admit they’re wrong, especially if your feelings are hurt and you’ve been upset.
But by admitting it and talking about how you feel with your child you’re teaching them to do the right thing – and you’ll both feel better for it!
6. Show Them Love, Not Resentment
It can be easy to feel resentment towards your child after they’ve hurt your feelings.
But it’s important to remember that, even though they’re adults now, they’re still your children and resentment is not the right emotion.
Resentment will only push them away and make the situation worse.
Instead, try to show them love and understanding, even if it’s difficult.
Genuinely forgiving them and moving past the incident will do wonders for your relationship.
7. Never Hold a Grudge or Bring It up In the Future
On the back of not harboring any resentment, being able to let it go and not hold a grudge is just as important.
Even if your child has wronged you multiple times, you need to find a way to work through the issues and identify why it keeps on happening.
Also, holding a grudge is bad for your own mental health. You’re effectively holding in stress which will result in a number of negative health effects.
8. Work on Your Relationship with Your Child
No relationship is perfect and that includes the relationship between parent and child.
There will always be ups and downs, but it’s important to work on your relationship with your child to ensure that these hurt feelings don’t happen too frequently.
Work towards building a stronger, more open relationship with lots of communication so you can avoid any misunderstandings in the future.
9. Establish Healthy Boundaries
I’m not sure what kind of relationship you have with your child, but establishing healthy boundaries might be in order.
This has helped a number of parents and children avoid hurting each other’s feelings and learning from previous mistakes.
Be clear about what you’re comfortable discussing and what you’re not, and make sure they understand your boundaries too.
It’s also important to respect their boundaries as well – as well as adapt to the fact that they’re grown up now and might not need or want the same level of parenting.
10. Provide Them with Emotional Support if Needed
If your child is going through a tough time they might be taking out some of their frustrations on you.
It’s important to take a look at this possibility and provide them with emotional support if needed.
They might need to talk about what’s going on in their life and why they’re behaving in a certain way.
Or, they might feel like they’re lacking something in the relationship between the two of you and are trying to vocalize that.
Whatever it is, I don’t think it’s ever a bad time to reinforce to our children that we’re there for them emotionally and will provide all the support and help they need.
Related – Here is why you get annoyed with your mom so easily.
Why Is My Grown Child So Mean to Me?
It’s not uncommon for a parent to feel hurt by their grown child’s words or actions.
Never feel like you’re alone or that you have a terrible relationship with your child, I think it’s fair to say that most parents and children fall out from time to time.
There are a number of reasons why your grown child might be mean to you.
It could be that they’re going through a tough time and are taking it out on you.
Or, they might feel like you’re not listening to them or respecting their boundaries.
It’s also possible that they simply don’t know how to express themselves in a healthy way.
It’s best not to jump to conclusions. I recommend going through the points raised above and really getting to the bottom of what happened between you and your child.
Will My Child Stop Being Rude or Mean to Me?
I don’t want to give you false hope, but in most cases, I think it’s fair to say that this behavior is only temporary.
Or, I’m sure if you take the necessary steps you can resolve any issues that come up between you and your child and build a stronger relationship.
It might take some time and effort on your part, but nobody ever said being a parent was easy, right?
I hope this article has helped in some way and that you can use the tips provided to improve your relationship with your child.
If not, please don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Parenting is tough, and relationships with our adult children can be tough, but you’re not alone!
Image credits – Photo by Malachi Cowie on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
1 thought on “10 Things To Do When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings!”
Thank you for putting this online. I have 2 grown daughters, and a grown son. My son speaks so mean to me, every time we are together. I don’t understand what I am doing to cause his hatred of me. 😞