There are few things more frustrating as a parent than being disrespected or treated poorly by one or more of our children.
But it happens, and happens for a number of reasons.
There should be a special bond between a mother and a son, in some cultures, it is revered and celebrated.
When a son mistreats his mother, it’s normal to feel hurt and confused.
Here are some of the reasons behind sons who treat their mothers poorly and tips on how to tackle this issue:
Common Reasons Why Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly
Unresolved Emotional Issues
Young men can have a lot of emotional issues, it’s part of growing up and handling relationships, and dealing with experiences.
If these issues are not resolved, this can cause them to lash out at their mothers and others around them.
It’s important that you – and others – are there for your son if he needs someone to talk to about any issues he’s experiencing.
Related – Has your son never had a girlfriend? Here’s common reasons why.
Not Mature Enough
Males may not mature as quickly as females, and this can extend to how they view and treat their mothers.
Even when they’re 20+, they might still be in a ‘teenage’ stage where their focus is on themselves and they have a hard time understanding the needs of others.
It’s important to talk to them and provide guidance, but not in a way that is too forceful or overbearing.
If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you.
It’s important to talk to him about his past experiences and help him process them in a healthy way.
You can also suggest professional counseling if needed, as this may be the best route for him to take.
Reacting to A Controlling Mother
A lot of kids and young adults will reach a point where they push back against what they perceive to be a controlling mother or parent.
If you think this is the reason your son is treating you badly, it’s important to take a step back and reassess how you interact with your son, and make sure you’re not smothering him or overstepping boundaries.
It’s also important to talk to him about his feelings and how it makes him feel when you ask certain things of him.
Being Influenced by Others
Some young men will be influenced by their peers or even older family members and mistreat their mothers.
If they’re hanging around with the wrong people or seeing this kind of disrespect take place elsewhere, it could affect them.
The people you’re son (and anyone) chooses to hang around with have a huge impact on their lives, it’s something to take very seriously.
Tips for Creating a Healthy Mother-Son Relationship
Set Healthy Boundaries
It’s important to set healthy boundaries when it comes to parent-child relationships.
Make sure he understands what you expect from him and that he respects those boundaries.
You can also set up consequences for when these boundaries are crossed, but make sure they’re reasonable and that your son will actually follow through with them.
Work on Communication
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so it’s important to talk and listen to your son and make sure he feels heard.
You should also encourage him to express his feelings in a respectful way.
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and that means talking and listening.
Own Any Mistakes You’ve Made
Something a lot of parents feel like they can’t do in front of their kids is own up to making mistakes and potentially looking anything less than perfect.
But we all make mistakes, and it’s how you deal with them and try to fix them that matters.
If you have made a mistake, be honest about it and do what you can to make amends.
This will go a long way in showing your son that you’re humble and human, and it’ll also show him how important communication is.
Be Patient and Don’t Hold a Grudge
It’s crucial to be patient with your son and not hold grudges, no matter how difficult he’s being and how he’s treating you.
Make sure you listen to what he has to say and take the time to really understand where he’s coming from.
It might not be easy, but it’s important to remember that he needs your support and parental guidance more than he does being judged and having things held against him.
Show Him How Much You Support Him
The saying, “Action speaks louder than words”, is so true when it comes to being a parent and a role model.
Make sure you show him how much you believe in him and what he can do, and don’t forget to give him compliments when he succeeds at something.
Support is essential for a child’s development and growth, no matter how old they are. So be sure to show him how much you care.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Professional Help
Finally, if the issue persists and nothing seems to be changing, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help.
Therapy can be a great tool to help work through issues and get to the root of the problem.
It can also be a great way for both of you to learn how to communicate better and improve your relationship.
This goes full circle to show your son how much you care, that you’re human, and that you’re willing to go to great lengths to build a healthy mother-son relationship.
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-parents-talking-son-bench-park
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.