I recently received an email titled, “My husband wants to fatten me up, what should I do?”
The email read:
“It all started when my husband began to feed me a lot more food than usual.
At first, I thought nothing of it, assuming he was just being extra loving and attentive.
But then the portion sizes started to increase, and the number of times he wanted to feed me per day increased as well.
And it wasn’t just regular food either – he began making special meals for me that were high in calories and fat.
He even started giving me snacks throughout the day, telling me that he wanted me to get nice and plump.
At first, I thought it was kind of sweet, in a strange sort of way.
But I started to feel uncomfortable with the pressure, and I really didn’t want to gain any weight – I was happy with my weight.
So, I asked my husband directly if and why he was trying to fatten me up.
He kept giving me vague answers, and he started off saying things like, “No, not at all, I just want to see you eat a healthy amount of food.”
But this progressed to him saying things like, “You’re a bit skinny and I’m worried about you, I liked you more when you were a little heavier.”
Now I weigh a lot more than I did when I first met my husband and he seems to be losing interest in me.
My self-esteem is shattered, I hate what I see in the mirror, and looking back it feels like he did this to me deliberately, but why?”
If this sounds familiar, I hope I can help provide some insight into why some guys want to fatten up their partners, warning signs, and what you should do.
Why Husbands and Partners Want to Fatten Up Their Partners
There’s no one answer to this question, as every situation is different.
But there are some possible explanations that you should explore:
- Some partners might see their partner’s weight as a reflection of their own self-worth or attractiveness. If their partner is overweight, they might feel better about themselves by comparison.
- Some partners might have a fetish or kink for bigger bodies, and so they’re trying to turn their partner into their ideal body type.
- Some partners might believe that thinner people are more fragile and delicate, and so they want to ‘protect’ them by making them gain weight.
- Some partners might simply enjoy the act of feeding their loved ones, and see it as a way to show their affection.
- Some partners might have been raised in a culture or family where bigger bodies are seen as more attractive, and so they’re trying to encourage their partner to gain weight.
To find out what your husband’s motivations are you going to have to ask him, and possibly read between the lines the best you can.
Should I Let My Husband Fatten Me Up?
If you find yourself in a situation where your husband or partner is trying to fatten you up, it’s important to communicate with them directly about your feelings and concerns.
Only you can decide what’s best for you, and if you don’t want to gain weight then make that clear to your partner.
Remember that you have the right to say no, and set boundaries as needed.
Trust your instincts, and take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. If you need help, please reach out to close friends or family members.
If you don’t feel that you have people within your support network you can talk to about this, please do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to contact a therapist or counselor.
Signs of Controlling Behavior in Relationships
Coercive control is one of – if not – the most toxic behaviors in a relationship and it often escalates into more serious issues like physical abuse.
There are many different signs that your partner might be trying to control you, and not all of them will be as obvious as trying to make you gain weight.
Some other signs to look out for include:
- Trying to dictate what you wear or how you style your hair
- Telling you who you can and can’t spend time with
- Monitoring or checking up on your phone or social media usage
- Making decisions for you without consulting you first
- Pressuring you to do things that make you uncomfortable
If you’re noticing any of these signs in your relationship, it’s important to take a step back and assess whether this is something that’s making you happy or not.
You deserve to be in a happy relationship free to make your own decisions. This includes not feeling pressured to eat or put on weight just because your husband wants you to.
If you feel like you’re being controlled, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) for advice.
Image credits – Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.