Does your boyfriend always expect you to cook for him?
Cooking, or doing any chores around the home should be something that you agree to share out as a couple.
Neither person in a relationship should be expected to do anything!
If cooking for your boyfriend is getting you down, you need to speak to him and let him know that it’s not something that should be expected!
Is It a Must to Cook for Your Boyfriend?
I have to make this 100% clear, it’s not a must to cook for your boyfriend – but, of course, it is a nice gesture.
If you don’t want to cook for him, you shouldn’t.
No matter what kind of pressure he puts on you or how much he begs, it has to be your decision.
The bottom line is that you should never feel like you have to do something in a relationship, no matter what it is.
It also makes a difference if you live with your boyfriend or not.
If you don’t live together, then he really is taking liberties and it’s probably a sign of how he’s going to treat you if you do move in together.
Some guys (and girls) are going to take more than they give in a relationship, and the more you allow them to get away with doing so the more they’re going to take.
So, while this might just be about cooking, it’s actually about you making a stand and not being taken advantage of in a broader sense, too.
Related – Here’s what happened when I stopped cooking for my husband!
How Should Chores Be Split in a Relationship?
The topic of who is going to do what chores in a relationship is often the cause of ongoing arguments.
Who likes doing chores, right?
The problem is that chores have to be done, and if it feels like one person is doing more than the other it’s going to cause resentment over time.
This doesn’t mean all the chores have to be split down the middle. In fact, this isn’t really possible.
But what it does mean is that both parties in a relationship have to be happy with the chores and tasks they’re doing, or this will also cause resentment.
So, the only way to decide who cooks, cleans, takes out the trash, and does all the other jobs around the house is to talk it out.
You don’t have to make a list and stick to it 100%. But I think I speak on behalf of almost all couples when I say that it does need to at least be talked about.
If you’re having this conversation now, you can air your thoughts on whether or not you want or should be cooking!
Why You Shouldn’t ‘Expect’ Anything From Your Partner
You may want to cook or be OK with it, but it’s the fact that it’s expected of you that annoys you.
A lot of women feel like that, it’s not unusual and there is nothing wrong with that.
You shouldn’t be expected to do anything. It will make you feel like a servant or a maid more than a respected partner.
It also makes you feel less appreciated, and I bet your boyfriend is comfortable thinking you’ll cook every night and doesn’t show his appreciation, right?
The only things you should expect from your partner in a relationship are to be treated with respect and kindness, to be loved and cared for, and to be valued.
All of which are the opposite of expecting your girlfriend to cook for you just because you don’t want to cook or because she’s a woman!
Related – What to do when your partner doesn’t cook, clean, or help out.
Communication Is Always the Answer
If you’re upset or annoyed that your boyfriend always expects you to cook, no matter how difficult it is you’re going to have to speak to him about it.
It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have, but it is one you need to have.
You can’t just keep cooking and be unhappy about it because that will only make the situation worse.
The best way to deal with this issue (or any issue in a relationship) is by communicating with your partner.
This doesn’t mean you have to have some kind of high-tension crisis talk, but you do need to be able to talk about things that are bothering you.
Also, think of it from his side. If your boyfriend doesn’t know how you feel then he’s not going to be able to change his behavior.
Sure, you probably make some comments about having to cook or have shown him you don’t enjoy it, but have you really told him?
A lot of women are scared to bring things like this up in case their partners do not want to change or get defensive or moody about it.
But the reality is that if your boyfriend isn’t willing to hear you out and change his behavior to make you happier, then maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you.
It sounds drastic over something that I’m sure he is playing off as trivial, but it’s about his behavior and how he’s treating you – it’s not about cooking.
So, tell him you want to speak with him when there are no distractions and tell him exactly how it makes you feel that he expects you to cook.
I can’t say how the conversation will go, you’re going to have to see what he says.
But don’t back down, don’t accept any excuses, and don’t walk away with anything less than the result you want and that you’re happy with.
Image credits – Photo by Conscious Design on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
1 thought on “My Boyfriend Always Expects Me to Cook! (It’s OK to Say ‘NO’)”
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for 3 months we do not leave together. He had his own place and I have mine. Now that we have hit that 3 month mark now he is expecting me to cook for him everyday and go grocery shopping. Keep in mind we are splitting the bill on groceries but I work every day just like him. By the time I get off , get done working out I am a bit exhausted. Sometimes I volunteer to cook for him but now it is becoming an every night thing. He believes I should cook for him every night since I am a woman but we do not live together and I do not expect him to cook for me and since we have been dating he has not. He said it makes him happy that I do and considers it bonding to watch me cook. I feel like these expectations may be too soon but I really do not know and sometimes I am not in the mood to cook. The days that I do not cook he acts as if he does not know what he going to eat so I really do not know what to do at this point. He said I should be doing this in order for me to get married.