If you were or are in a relationship with a married guy and you decided to tell his wife everything, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you you’re in a complicated situation!
If you’re concerned about whether or not he will forgive you, only time will tell.
However, the reason why you told his wife he was cheating and how you went about it will have an impact on his forgiveness.
I Told His Wife Will He Ever Forgive Me?
Whether or not a guy will ever forgive you for telling his wife he was cheating on her with you depends on a few things:
- If his long-term goal was to be with you
- How betrayed he feels by your actions (a bit rich from someone who is cheating, I know!)
- How much he stands to lose, both in terms of his family and his finances
- Whether or not he’s just a player or genuinely cares about the people he’s hurt and feels remorseful
At the end of the day, it’s going to take some time for the dust to settle.
If you’ve just dropped the bomb on his wife, you’re not going to know if he will forgive you for some time.
Every guy and situation is different, but if he’s a genuinely decent guy and is able to come to his senses – there is a good chance he will forgive you.
Assuming you didn’t tell his wife out of spite or to deliberately hurt him, he should be able to see your reasoning and the fact that he was in the wrong.
This doesn’t mean things are going to be good between the two of you. All it means is that he will come to forgive you and not hold a grudge.
Related – Here are 25+ signs a married man likes you more than just as a friend.
Will a Married Guy Leave His Wife if She Finds Out?
There is no simple answer to this question.
It really depends on the individual guy and how he feels about his wife, whether or not he wants to stay in the marriage, and what kind of relationship he has with you.
Some guys will see it as an opportunity to finally leave their unhappy marriage and start a new life with you.
But if you were banking on that being the result, there is always the risk it can backfire.
When some cheating guys are exposed, they do everything in their power to patch things up with their wives – and may even blame you or make you like you’re lying!
Did You Tell His Wife Because He Dumped You?
Why you decided to tell his wife about the two of you will have an impact on whether or not he forgives you.
There is a possibility that you told his wife because he decided to end things with you and you wanted to get revenge.
Or, maybe you were worried he was going to leave you for her and so you thought if she knew the truth she would leave him and he would come back to you.
If either of these reasons – or another similar reason – was why you told his wife, don’t be surprised if he’s angry at you and doesn’t forgive you.
Did You Tell His Wife in The Hope that He Would Be with You?
If your intention in telling his wife was that he would leave her and be with you, again – don’t be surprised if he’s angry.
He may feel like you used him and betrayed his trust.
On the other hand, if he has genuine feelings for you but is struggling to face up to leaving his wife, he may appreciate your honesty and decide to leave his wife for you.
This is still a risky move though, he’s going to be blindsided by your actions and his life is going to be turned upside down.
I can appreciate that you may have been waiting months, even years for him to leave his wife and maybe thought he never would.
But at the same time, few guys appreciate their mistress going behind their backs and telling their wives everything.
Why Do Mistresses Tell the Wife of Their Cheating Husband?
I’m not sure what your exact reason(s) are for telling his wife, but some of the common reasons why mistresses end up telling the wives of their cheating husbands are:
- To get revenge if he’s ended things with them
- If they find out he’s seeing other women and has been playing them
- To try and stop him from ending the relationship if they feel like things aren’t going well
- Because they genuinely feel bad about the situation and want to come clean
- Due to pressure from other people such as mutual friends, family, etc
Whatever the reason, it’s a decision that should not be taken lightly.
You need to be prepared for the possible consequences and fallout from your actions.
Why Do You Want His Forgiveness?
It’s also worth asking yourself why you want his forgiveness.
Do you want to try and salvage the relationship?
Or, are you simply trying to ease your conscience?
If it’s the latter, then you may want to consider whether or not it’s worth it.
You may not get the forgiveness – or closure – that you’re looking for.
On the other hand, if there’s a chance that things could work out between the two of you, then it may be worth trying to patch things up.
Only you can decide whether or not it’s worth it to try and get his forgiveness.
Related – Reasons why cheating husbands stay married and examples of inappropriate flirting while married.
You Have to Accept that He May Never Forgive You
No matter what you do or say, there’s always the possibility that he may never forgive you for telling his wife about the affair.
You need to be prepared for this and accept it.
If you have feelings for him, it will be hard. But try to move on with your life and focus on the future.
Telling a guy’s wife about the affair is a huge decision and one that should not be taken lightly.
I’m sure you didn’t plan to get involved in an affair yourself, no one does.
But however you ended up there, and for whatever the reason why you revealed all, the most important thing is that you work on yourself and make better decisions going forward.
Have you ever told the wife of a guy you were seeing about your affair? Or maybe you’ve been in a similar situation and did something different?
If so, I’d love to hear about your experience and what you did. Please leave a comment below, it might just help some of the other members of the community, too!
Image credits – Photo by Aleksandra Sapozhnikova on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.