If your husband’s family treats you like an outsider I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve been there myself; it’s frustrating, isolating, feels like nothing you do is right, and it drives a wedge between you and your partner.
Whether you can change how his family treats you or not, how you handle them is what’s important!
Here are 10 tips and ways you should handle his family if they’re treating you like an outsider:
Husband’s Family Treats Me Like an Outsider! 10 Tips to Deal with Them (Or Win Them Over!)
1. Identify Why They’re Treating You Like an Outsider
The first step – and I bet you want to know the answer to this as much as anyone, is to try and find out why they’re treating you like an outsider.
You can only find a solution (if there is one) to a problem if you know the cause.
This isn’t always easy and it doesn’t mean you’ll find a way to win them over, but if you can find out why they’re hostile to you it’s going to be a huge help.
Start by asking your partner if he knows why or can find out.
If he doesn’t seem interested in delving in, make him interested. It’s a big deal!
2. Don’t Take It Personally
It’s not personal, and you shouldn’t take it personally.
Even without knowing your situation, I can say this, because I know that people who behave in this way have their own issues causing them to do so.
There’s a reason they’re behaving this way and it has nothing to do with you.
Even if you have done something to make them not like you, they should be mature enough to talk about it for the sake of your husband’s (and yours) happiness.
3. Do Something to Try and Win Them Over
It’s a tough situation to be in, but I’m sure you’d rather win over your husband’s family than have them treat you like an outsider.
Otherwise, family gatherings and bumping into them around town are just going to be awkward.
There are a few things you can try to win them over: such as giving them a gift, being super nice, or even just talking to them and getting to know them better.
4. Don’t Spend Too Much Time and Energy on Them
Putting in the effort to win them over might do the trick, but you also have to be smart about picking your battles.
Trying to win over people who don’t want to be won over is a recipe for disaster.
You’re going to end up feeling drained, used, and it still might not work.
Your energy is better spent focusing on the people in your life who do appreciate you, love you, and make an effort with you.
5. Keep Your Guard up As They Let You In
As (if) you do start to win over your husband’s family members, a bit of advice is to not get too carried away and think that everything is going to be perfect going forward.
If they found it hard to let you in it shows that they have some reservations and they probably will never fully let their guard down – so you shouldn’t either.
So, as they let you in, keep your guard up a bit and don’t share everything with them or put yourself in too vulnerable a spot.
I wouldn’t want you to get hurt!
6. Never React Badly to Their Behavior
Throughout all of this, you must remember to never react badly to their behavior.
Getting angry, lashing out, or crying will only make the situation worse.
It will make you look weak and they might see that as an opportunity to pull you down even further.
Or, they might use the fact that you’re being rude or lashing out as justification for not getting close to you.
Keep your composure, be the bigger person in challenging interactions, and most importantly, don’t let your husband’s family’s behavior bother you.
7. Talk to Your Husband About how It’s Making You Feel
It’s also important you communicate with your husband and let him know how his family is making you feel.
It’s almost impossible for their behavior to affect you at all, no matter how hard you’re trying.
Having his support will give you the strength to carry on and try different things to win them over (or at least not let their coldness bother you).
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you and your husband are happy and have an awesome relationship.
Being close to his family is nice, but it’s not something that has to impact your relationship.
8. Build a Strong Support Network of People You Can Trust
This doesn’t just apply to this situation, it’s one of the most important things that will enrich your life.
Make sure you have a strong support network of people you can trust – whether that’s friends, family, or even just other people you can confide in.
These people will help you get through tough times like this, and they’ll be there to celebrate the good times.
We’re only as happy and successful as the people we surround ourselves with, make sure you have the right people around you.
9. Separate Your Husband’s Family from Your Relationship with Him
In your head, or even physically, it’s important to try and separate your husband’s family from your relationship with him.
Just because they don’t like you, it doesn’t mean it has to have an impact on your relationship with your husband.
There will be incidents that cause issues I’m sure, but if you trust and love him then try and see those incidents as isolated rather than part of a bigger problem.
10. Accept that You Might Never Be on The ‘Inside’ With Them
It hurts to know that no matter how hard you try you can’t always win someone over or change someone’s mind, but unfortunately, it happens.
And, with in-laws, it can feel like an even bigger deal as you want to get along with them.
The truth is that some people just don’t want to let others in, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You might never be on the inside with your husband’s family, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy and fulfilling relationship with him.
It also doesn’t mean that you can’t be cordial or friendly with his family, you just need to know where the boundaries are.
Related – Here is how to set boundaries with in-laws.
How Should You Deal with Your Husband’s Relatives?
If you’re struggling to get along with your husband’s relatives, don’t despair.
There are things you can do to try and improve the situation, but you also need to accept that it might not ever change.
The most important thing is to maintain a good relationship with your husband and build a strong support network around you.
His family is always going to be part of your life, but they don’t have to be a negative part that affects you or your husband.
In an ideal world, we would all get along with our in-laws and they would be an important and positive part of our lives.
But, the truth is that’s not always the case.
The most important thing is that you’re able to set healthy boundaries.
You need to know what you can and can’t expect from them, the situations that you can put yourself in that are positive, and how to balance keeping the peace.
Will It Affect Your Relationship with Your Husband if His Family Never Treats You Like One of Their Own?
If your husband’s family never accepts you, it doesn’t mean that your relationship with him is doomed.
In fact, it can actually make your relationship stronger as you’ll have to rely on each other more and get through these challenges.
It’s not ideal, but communication and understanding is the key.
As long as your husband loves you and is committed to the relationship and is strong enough to think and act for himself and not be swayed by his family’s opinion of you, then you’ll be just fine.
Of course, it’s not always that simple and there will be times when it’s hard, but as long as you’re both on the same page then you’ll be able to get through anything!
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-rear-view-woman-resting-blanket
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.