If you’ve found yourself splitting from your partner after 5 years together, I know you’re hurting.
No matter how a relationship ends, the longer you were with your partner, the harder it is to come to terms with and move on.
The important thing, however, is that you do take the right steps to move on and heal yourself.
Here are 10 steps on how to get over a 5-year relationship so you come out the other side happy, healthy, and stronger than ever!
- How to Get Over a 5-Year Relationship – 10 Key Steps To Heal
- 1. Accept that The Relationship Is Over
- 2. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
- 3. Avoid Bouncing Into a New Relationship
- 4. Don’t Hold a Grudge Against Your Ex
- 5. Surround Yourself with Good People
- 6. Write Down Some Exciting New Goals
- 7. Give Yourself Quality Time to Grieve
- 8. Take an Objective Look at What Went Wrong (and Right)
- 9. Try and Stay on Good Terms with Your Ex (If Possible)
- 10. Understand that You Might Never Get ‘closure’
- Is 5 Years Considered a Long-Term Relationship?
- How Long Does It Take to Get Over a 5-Year Relationship?
- Why Do Most Couples Break up After 5 Years?
How to Get Over a 5-Year Relationship – 10 Key Steps To Heal
1. Accept that The Relationship Is Over
You can’t move on with your life until you accept that your relationship is over, and by this, I mean really accept it.
This means not holding onto any hope that things will somehow work out, or that your ex will come back to you.
As well as looking forward and realizing that your life is going to change in many ways, and you’ll have to change with it.
If you’re struggling to accept that it’s over, try writing down your thoughts and feelings about the situation, or even speaking to a therapist – it really helps.
Related – Does it seem like guys never want a relationship with you? Here’s why!
2. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
Whether you think it or not, your self-esteem will have taken a hit during the time your relationship was falling apart.
No matter what happened, it’s important to remember that you are a valuable, worthwhile person, and start to rebuild your self-esteem.
One way you can do this is by setting yourself some achievable goals, and then patting yourself on the back when you reach them.
You could also try starting a new hobby or joining a club or group – anything that makes you feel good about yourself.
And finally, try to surround yourself with positive people who will build you up, not tear you down.
You may be single, but you’re not a failure in any way, shape, or form. It happens, how you grow as a person and shape your life going forward is what matters.
3. Avoid Bouncing Into a New Relationship
The last thing you want to do is get into a ‘rebound’ relationship.
A rebound relationship is where you start dating someone new very quickly after your break-up, typically in an attempt to make yourself feel better.
However, all this does is help push the pain of your break-up to the back of your mind, and it’ll only resurface again in the future.
So, take some time for yourself, focus on being single, focus on getting over your breakup, and most importantly – enjoy yourself.
4. Don’t Hold a Grudge Against Your Ex
One of the most important things if you want to get over a long-term relationship is to forgive your ex, and yourself if needed, for whatever happened.
This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but it does mean not letting the bitterness and anger eat away at you.
Holding a grudge will only make you feel bad about yourself, so let it go and move on with your life.
You’ll feel much better for it in the long run, I promise.
5. Surround Yourself with Good People
As I mentioned in point two, it’s important to surround yourself with positive people who will make you feel good about yourself.
These could be friends, family members, or even co-workers.
But whoever they are, make sure they’re people who will lift you up and help you through this tough time.
Conversely, try to avoid spending time with people who are negative or make you feel bad about yourself, as they’ll only drag you down.
6. Write Down Some Exciting New Goals
Part of moving on from a long-term relationship is realizing that your life is going to change, and you’ll have to change with it.
Setting some new goals for yourself, both in the short and long term will help you through this process.
It helps if you think about what you want to achieve in the next year, five years, or even ten years.
Along with adjusting to the day-to-day things that are changing, such as where you live, the people you see, your routine, etc.
7. Give Yourself Quality Time to Grieve
It’s important to give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship.
This doesn’t mean wallowing in self-pity, but it does mean accepting that you’re going to feel sad and upset for a while, and that’s perfectly normal.
Try not to bottle up your emotions, as they’ll only come out in other, less healthy ways.
Grieving the end of a relationship is a real thing, don’t be afraid to seek help if you’re struggling.
8. Take an Objective Look at What Went Wrong (and Right)
One of the most important things you can do if you want to get over a long-term relationship is to take an objective look at what went wrong, and what went right.
This means being honest with yourself about both the good and bad parts of your relationship.
What did you like about it? What didn’t you like?
What did you do well? What could you have done better?
Answering these questions honestly will help you learn from your past relationship and (hopefully) avoid the same mistakes in the future.
9. Try and Stay on Good Terms with Your Ex (If Possible)
This one isn’t always possible or may take some time, but if you can stay on good terms with your ex it’ll make things a lot easier.
You don’t have to be best friends, but being able to talk and even laugh together will help you both move on in a healthy way.
It’s also important for any mutual friends you might have, maybe you have kids, and you might see each other around.
Plus, it’s just better for your healing process.
10. Understand that You Might Never Get ‘closure’
This is something that a lot of people struggle with after a long-term relationship ends, but I have to tell you that you might never get closure.
Closure can be an elusive thing and it can mean a different thing to many people, and even if you do get it, it might not be what you expect or want.
And that’s okay.
It helps to think about what closure would mean for you; maybe that’s an apology, figuring out when wrong, etc.
If you can get that closure, great. But if you can’t, you can’t hold on to trying to get it.
Related – How slow is too slow when in a new relationship? (Explained)
Is 5 Years Considered a Long-Term Relationship?
A long-term relationship is typically defined as a romantic or intimate relationship that has lasted for at least two years.
However, some people would say that a relationship can be considered long-term if it’s lasted for five years or more.
It’s a subjective thing, there is no defined period to ‘long’ for a relationship, but 5 years certainly isn’t a short-term relationship, I can tell you that!
How Long Does It Take to Get Over a 5-Year Relationship?
Again, there is no textbook or one-size-fits-all answer to this question.
Everyone deals with a breakup differently, and it can take anywhere from days to years, honestly.
There are a few factors that can affect how long it’ll take, such as the length of the relationship, how invested you were, and whether or not it was a mutual break-up.
Studies suggest that typically it takes anywhere from 18 months to three years to get over a long-term relationship.
Don’t use this as any type of benchmark for your own situation, it’ll take as long as it takes.
Why Do Most Couples Break up After 5 Years?
There are a lot of reasons why couples break up, and it’s different for everyone.
However, some experts believe that the ‘seven-year itch’ is a real thing, and that most couples will go through some sort of major relationship crisis around the seven-year mark.
It’s not necessarily that people get tired of each other after seven years, but more so that after a few years of being together, couples start to reassess their relationship and whether or not it’s truly meeting their needs.
For some, that itch comes at the 5-year mark.
Plus, there are endless other reasons why a couple might hit a rocky patch around the 5-year mark.
Generally speaking, most couples split due to a lack of emotional intimacy, drifting apart, poor communication, and struggling to deal with conflict.
Most of which only progress and get more difficult the longer two people have been together.
Image credits – Photo by Benjamin Suter on Unsplash