In an ideal world, we would all split amicably from our exes and would remain friends without any complications.
But it rarely – if ever – happens like this.
It’s good if you’re able to stay at least somewhat friends with your ex and keep in communication.
But the balance of how much to communicate with an ex, what to share, and how it makes you feel is a difficult one.
Here is a look at; how much is too much communication with an ex, and the pros and cons of keeping in contact with your ex:
Should You Keep in Communication with Your Ex?
The answer to this question is going to depend on a number of things about your own personal situation.
When deciding if keeping in touch with your ex is the right thing to do, some of the important questions to ask yourself are:
- Did the relationship end in a healthy way?
- Do you have any unfinished business with your ex?
- Can you communicate with your ex without feeling anger or hurt?
- What do you want out of this communication?
If the answers to these questions reassure you that you’re in a good place and just want to be friends, then it might be a good idea to keep in communication with your ex.
But if any of the answers to these questions make you hesitate or cause you to feel uncomfortable, then it might be best to wait a bit longer before reaching out.
Only you know what happened between the two of you and how you’re feeling about your ex.
The important thing to consider here is why you want to be in contact with them and how it’s going to make you feel.
Pros of Keeping Good Communication with Your Ex
There are a few benefits that come with maintaining good communication with your ex.
Some of these benefits are:
- You can help each other through tough times as you know each other well
- You can remain friends and support each other
- It’s fun to remember the good times you had together
- It makes things less awkward if you have shared friends
All of these benefits come with the positive caveat that you are both on good terms and want to remain friends.
This is a place a lot of exes can get to, but only after some time has passed so don’t feel the need to rush it.
Cons of Keeping Good Communication with Your Ex
There can also be some drawbacks to keeping in communication with your ex, even if things seem amicable on the surface.
These drawbacks are:
- It can stop you from completely moving on if you have some feelings for them
- You might find yourself getting jealous if they’re talking about their new relationship with you
- You might start to develop feelings for them again by staying in touch
- It can be a reminder of the pain of the break-up
Some of these drawbacks can cause you some serious emotional distress if you’re not honest about your feelings for your ex.
How Much Is Too Much Communication With An Ex?
If you’re in communication with your ex, there is also the question of how much is too much communication with them.
The simple answer here is that you need to set healthy boundaries, either with your ex or just with yourself.
You may not want them to check in on you all the time and act like you’re best friends, or just not want to hear about their new relationships.
This is perfectly fine, and something you should communicate to your ex.
It’s okay to set boundaries in order to protect yourself emotionally.
The bottom line is that you need to do what feels right for you and what makes you feel comfortable.
I know some people who have kept their relationship with their ex strictly text message-based, and others who have blocked their ex on social media.
All while staying in touch and remaining friends.
It might also depend on whether or not you’re in a new relationship and how the dynamic of staying in touch with your ex affects your new partner.
There’s a lot to take into account, but at the end of the day, you should listen to your gut and react to how you’re feeling.
If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.
Related – Will you ever hear from your ex again?
How Long Should You Want Before Opening Communication with Your Ex?
This is another question with a difficult answer as it varies from person to person.
If you find yourself thinking about your ex all the time or dwell on the relationship a lot, then it might be best to wait a bit longer before trying to rekindle things.
You need to allow yourself time to grieve the relationship and move on before you can truly be friends with your ex.
I think it’s universally agreed that you should give yourself at least a couple of weeks after splitting up before trying to mend some of those bridges.
At the very least, you should give yourself some time to think about how you want the relationship to be and what kind of communication you’re comfortable with.
Image credits – Photo by Nasik Lababan on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.