Are you asking yourself, why am I mean to my crush?
A lot of people are mean to their crushes, sometimes deliberately and sometimes it’s just instinctual.
The psychology behind this is interesting and actually says a lot about how you feel about your crush!
Here are 9 reasons why people are mean to their crush, it might help you understand why you’re acting the way you are:
Why Am I Mean to My Crush? 9 Reasons & Explanations
1. You Don’t Want Them to Know You Have a Crush
If you don’t want your crush to know that you have a crush on them, you might act mean towards them.
In your mind and how you see the situation between the two of you, it probably makes sense, but it’s almost always the wrong way to act.
In my experience, they’ll still be able to pick up on the energy between the two of you and your behavior is just going to send mixed messages.
2. You Feel Vulnerable So You’re Being Defensive
If you feel vulnerable around your crush, it’s normal to act mean as a way to protect yourself.
You might not even be aware of what you’re doing until it’s too late, or it might be something that is happening subconsciously – but it reveals a lot about your deep feelings.
It’s a natural defense mechanism to keep yourself from getting too close to them and end up being hurt, but you can change this.
Related – 15 Reasons why you keep thinking about an old crush!
3. You’re Protecting Yourself From Being Rejected
Adding to the previous point about feeling vulnerable, your behavior might also be a defensive mechanism against being rejected.
Having a crush is a tough place to be; most crushes are unattainable, yet we want to get closer to them, but rejection is the worst possible outcome!
So, by being mean to your crush, you’re probably instinctively protecting yourself from the pain of rejection – no matter how unlikely it is.
4. You Want Them to Notice You
It’s hard to get a crush to notice us, especially when it’s someone we’re not very close to.
So, a lot of the time people will be mean to their crush in the hopes that they’ll take notice.
It might seem like a good idea at the time, but it rarely works out that way in reality.
Your crush is just as likely to notice you if you act like your usual, friendly self around them, and they won’t be as offended!
5. You Feel Like It’s The Only Way to Get Close to Them
This one is similar to the previous point, but with a different focus.
When we have a crush on someone, we want to get close to them – physically and emotionally.
But, sometimes it feels like the only way to do that is by being mean or rude to them.
It’s a misguided attempt at trying to create some form of connection, especially if you’ve tried being nice and not been able to get their attention.
6. They’re Mean to You and You’re Mirroring Them
If your crush is mean to you, it’s only natural to want to reciprocate that behavior.
A trap a lot of people with a crush also fall into is mirroring their crush’s behaviors as they’re focusing on them so much.
However, it just creates a negative cycle of meanness between the two of you and is more likely to have a bad end goal than a good one.
7. It Takes the Tension Out of the Air for You
If the air between you and your crush is feeling a bit too tense, you might try to relieve that tension by being mean.
It’s not that uncommon of a way of breaking the ice in a weird way, but it can often just make things more awkward.
It might feel like it’s working in the moment when it makes you feel less vulnerable, but it generally isn’t going to have the results you want.
Related – Here’s how guys text their crush and why they’re so protective!
8. You’re Secretly Mad That They’re Unattainable
This is a tough one to admit, but if you’re mean to your crush, it might be because you’re mad at them for being unattainable.
This might sound like it’s a contradiction in terms, and maybe it is, but it’s also a situation a lot of people find themselves in.
We can’t help who we crush on, and often the nature of a crush means the person isn’t within reach – so just think about how you’re reacting to that.
9. It’s How You Deal With Nervous Energy
If you’re feeling nervous around your crush, it might manifest in you being mean to them.
It’s a way a lot of people deal with the excess nervous energy they have, so maybe this is how you act in other similar situations?
It’s not an ideal solution, as I’m sure you’re aware. You need to work on finding a better outlet for that energy, so it’ll be easier to control your behavior around your crush.
Should You Stop Being Mean to Your Crush?
So, those are some of the reasons why you might be mean to your crush. But, should you actually stop being mean to them?
Honestly, it depends on the situation and how you feel about it. This is a hard question for me to answer for you.
If you’re only being a little bit rude or snarky and it’s harmless fun, then there’s no need to change anything.
But, if you’re being genuinely mean and it’s impacting your relationship with them, then yes – you should probably stop.
It’s not going to do either of you any good in the long run and it’ll only make things more difficult.
At the end of the day, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s tough having a crush on someone, and the more you see them the tougher it is!
Image credits – Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.