If you can’t rely on your family, it’s going to feel like you can’t rely on or trust anyone in this world.
Our family is supposed to be there for us through thick and thin, but it rarely comes without some issues, rifts, and bumps in the road!
If you’re being isolated or excluded from things by your family, I’m sure you want to get to the bottom of why and rebuild those bridges.
Here is what to do when your family excludes you from gatherings and events and some of the common reasons why it happens:
5 Reasons Why Your Family Might Be Excluding You
1. Your Relationship Is Strained
This is the most common (and obvious) reason why your family might be excluding you from events, gatherings, information, and so on.
I mention it because I’ve come across numerous people who were not actually aware that their relationship was strained with their family.
Take a step back and evaluate how close you are to your family, think if there have been any incidents, and put yourself in their shoes.
Are things really that rosy? Or is there a chance they’ve reached a point where they’re annoyed or frustrated with you?
Related – Does your family only call when they need something? Here’s what to do about it!
2. You Keep Overstepping Boundaries
Maybe your family members are simply done with you overstepping their boundaries.
Maybe you’re always talking about topics that make them uncomfortable, or cause a scene at family gatherings?
Only you’ll know the answer to this, but again, things that might seem like a big deal to you might be a huge deal to your family.
If they think you’re going to embarrass them or cause a scene at gatherings, I can understand they’d rather exclude you.
3. You’ve Fallen Out Of Touch with Them
Has communication become more and more sparse over the last few months or years?
It happens, but it doesn’t mean that your family has to exclude you.
If they feel like you’ve become distant, then it’s possible that things have just gotten out of touch.
It might even be that they can only invite a certain number of people to gatherings and you’ve fallen too far down the list.
4. There Are Some Unresolved Issues
Maybe you’ve had a few (or just one) conflicts or arguments with your family that hasn’t been resolved on their side yet.
It could be any number of things, and you may feel like it’s water under the bridge.
But if they see it differently and feel like they’re waiting for an apology or a resolution, then you can understand why they’d be excluding you until it’s sorted out.
5. You’ve Always Been the Black Sheep of The Family
Some people are just the black sheep of the family from day one.
Maybe you’ve always been a bit different and that’s just how it is?
It might be due to things you’ve done, or in the case of most people that end up as the ‘black sheep’ it’s more a case of discrimination.
Either way, it’s a reality and if this is the case, then this might explain why your family is excluding you even if it’s hard to take.
What to Do When Your Family Excludes You
1. Talk to Them and Find out Why
The first and most important step toward finding out – and resolving – why you’re excluded from events is to communicate clearly.
Don’t let any assumptions or speculation get in the way of having a conversation, and if it’s possible to do so without making things worse, try and talk to one of your family members.
Find out what’s going on, why you’re excluded, and if there is anything that can be done to fix the issue.
If you’re feeling too proud, embarrassed, or anything else that’s stopping you from reaching out, put those feelings aside and make the call.
2. Be Honest About How It Makes You Feel
If you do get the chance to talk to a family member about why you’re excluded, then make sure that you’re honest about how it makes you feel.
It’s important to express your feelings in a clear and respectful way, but don’t be afraid to tell them the truth about how you feel.
This is a hard thing to talk about for most people, but if you need to make yourself vulnerable you should.
If this is what is going to mend the bridges and start getting you included in family communications and events, that’s what you’ll have to do.
3. Take Steps to Resolve Any Issues
Once you find out what the issues are and why you’re being excluded, then the next step is to take steps to resolve them.
Maybe it’s apologizing for something you’ve done wrong, or maybe it’s just as simple as making sure you keep in touch more regularly?
Either way, put effort into resolving the issues even if it takes more effort on your part.
Family dynamics are never going to be equal or fair, sometimes you need to be the bigger person and do what it takes to restore relationships.
4. Show Them With Actions Not Just Words
Talking is easy, but actions speak much louder than words.
If you really want to show your family that they can trust you, then start proving it with your actions.
Make sure you keep in touch more often, be reliable and honest, and don’t make any promises that you can’t keep.
5. Focus on Your Own Self Worth
If one thing comes out of this situation with your family I hope that it’s improved self-worth.
No matter the reasoning behind your family’s exclusion, it doesn’t – and you shouldn’t let it – diminish your own value or worth.
It’s normal to feel down on yourself when you’re being left out, but don’t let it stay that way.
Take the time to focus on improving your own self-worth and reminding yourself of how amazing you are, despite the fact that you’re excluded from family events.
At the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide how to handle the situation and if you choose to move forward with your family in the future or go it alone, what matters most is that you value yourself.
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-young-woman-looking-through-a
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.