Have you decided that you are standing by your mail in jail?
It’s tough waiting for a man to get out of jail, there are temptations on the outside, you have needs, and life carries on.
Of course, it’s easier the shorter the time he’s going to be locked up for.
But whether your guy is going to be out in 4 weeks or 4 years, here are some things you need to be aware of:
What You Need to Be Prepared for When Standing by Your Man in Jail
People Will Judge You, Especially if His Crimes Are Bad
The first thing you need to be prepared for is that people will judge you and some people close to you might not support your decision to stand by your man.
They might think you are stupid, weak, being manipulated by him, or even complicit in his crimes.
This is especially true if his crimes are serious.
Some of your friends and family might ask you questions like:
- “How could you stay with him after what he did?”
- “Don’t you feel like he’s using you?”
- “What if he does it again?”
- “Do you really think he’d wait for you?”
It can be tough to deal with these questions, but try to remember that it is your decision and you have a right to stand by your man.
There Are Going to Be Temptations
The next thing you need to be prepared for is that there are going to be temptations.
You might meet other guys who are interested in you and show you the kind of attention your guy never did.
This is going to feel good, especially at a time when you’re alone and you’re not feeling great about how some of the people close to you are treating you.
If you really want to stay true to the commitment you made to your man, you need to be upfront and tell other guys why you’re not available.
You’ll Feel Like You’re Being Punished, Too, at Times
When your man is in jail and you’ve put your life on hold for him, you might feel like you’re being punished too.
You didn’t do anything wrong and yet you basically have to deal with the fallout from his actions.
It can be tough to not resent him for this at times.
But try to remember that he’s the one who made the choices that led to him being in jail and you’re not responsible for his actions.
Sure, you love him, but we can’t always control who we fall in love with!
The Loneliness Is Going to Be Difficult at Times
I’m not sure how much time you spent together before he was incarcerated, but you need to be prepared for the loneliness of not having him around.
It’s easy to tell someone you’ll wait, but take it from me, it’s tough when you’re waiting night after night for someone to come back.
However, try to stay positive and remember that this is only temporary.
This is where it really helps if you have a strong support network to lean on, and I hope you do.
If not, you’re going to have to dig deep and be strong!
You Might Miss out On Some Things You’d Hoped for In Your Life
If your man has been locked up for a long time, you might have to put some important life decisions on hold.
Things like planning on starting a family, getting married, and buying your dream home just aren’t going to be possible by yourself.
This can cause your life to go off in a much different direction than you had hoped for, but that’s the kind of knock-on effect you can expect from staying faithful to someone in prison.
He Might Not Be the Same Person when He Gets out Of Jail
A harsh reality that a lot of women have had to face is that when their man gets out of jail, he’s not the same person.
Jail is a rough place to be, as I’m sure you can imagine. It can have a huge negative impact on a man’s mental and physical state.
So, if you’re thinking about standing by your man while he’s in jail, you need to be prepared to work with him while he adjusts to life outside and get to know him all over again when he’s released.
There Is a Chance He Will Reoffend and Go Back to Jail
Waiting for you man to get out of jail once is one thing, could you handle waiting two times or more?
The recidivism rate in the US is one of the highest in the world at around 76%.
That means, no matter what your man says about changing, statistically he’s going to re-offend.
This needs to be a valid concern and something you should think about carefully before making your decision.
There’s no easy answer here, but ultimately it comes down to whether or not you think he’s worth the risk!
Should You Stand by Your Man While He’s in Jail?
So, should you stand by your man while he’s in jail?
It’s a tough question and if you came here for an answer, there’s no one answer that’s going to work for everyone.
Each person’s situation is different and you need to make the decision that’s right for you based on your needs and wants.
I hope this article has helped give you some things to think about and better prepare yourself for your own journey if you do decide to wait!
If you need to hold down your man while he’s incarcerated, here’s what to expect and how to hold down his business.
Image credits – Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.