Dating a convict is tough – not just the not seeing each other part, but also taking care of all their business while they’re inside.
If you’re planning on holding your man down while he’s in jail, good on you.
But how prepared are you, really?
Are you sure he’d do the same for you? Will he appreciate it?
Here’s a look at some of the struggles women go through when holding down their men who are serving time behind bars!
What Is Meant by ‘Holding Down Your Man While He’s In Jail’?
When a man is in jail, it is common for his partner or wife to take on all the responsibility of running the household and taking care of his business.
This is what is meant by ‘holding down your man while he’s in jail’. It’s taking care of everything that he’s not able to.
Holding down a man usually includes everything from paying bills and maintaining the house, to being emotionally, mentally, and spiritually supportive.
For some women, this is no big deal – they’re happy to do it and see it as a way to show their love and support for their partner.
Others find it more difficult, especially if they have children, a busy job, some financial struggles of their own, etc.
Plus, the fact that your man is incarcerated only complicates matters.
- How long is he going to be inside for?
- How serious are his crimes?
- Is there any danger for you by getting involved in his personal affairs?
It’s tough having someone give you infrequent messages from behind bars, too. This can cause communication issues and frustration.
Should You Stand By Your Man When He’s in Jail?
This is a difficult question to answer.
On one hand, you want to be supportive and stand by your man during his tough times.
On the other hand, you have to ask yourself if this is really the best decision for you and your future.
You also have to consider whether or not he would do the same for you.
Some women choose to stand by their man no matter what, while others decide to walk away.
There is no right or wrong answer, and ultimately it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.
You do have to take into account the length of his sentence, too. It’s just not feasible that you can cover all of his personal affairs indefinitely.
Be Aware – Inmates Need a Lot of Support From Loved Ones!
If you’ve decided to hold your man down while he’s in jail, know that it’s not going to be easy.
You’ll need a lot of patience, strength, and support, too.
You already have your own busy life to stay on top of, now you have the burden of taking care of your partner’s stuff as well.
It can be emotionally draining and frustrating at times, but just remember why you’re doing it.
It’s difficult because loved ones are essential for inmates – they provide support, love, and motivation to stay positive throughout their sentence.
I think almost all partners of inmates feel guilty about cutting ties with their partners while they’re inside.
They are at their most vulnerable and not able to do anything about you leaving them.
So if you’re up for the challenge, go ahead and hold your man down while he’s in jail! Just be prepared for what’s to come.
Make Communication a Priority
One of the most important things you can do while holding your man down is to make communication a priority.
You need to be able to talk about what’s going on in both of your lives and be there for each other when things get tough.
It really does become a two-way thing; it’s easy for inmates to feel isolated and alone, so your support will be crucial to them.
And, it’s easy for you to become overwhelmed with all the extra tasks you have on your hands.
Without being able to speak openly about how you’re feeling, you may end up resenting holding him down and this can easily lead to burnout.
Other Ways You Can Support Your Man While He’s In Jail
Holding down a man while he’s inside is crucial to helping him maintain his sanity on the inside, and know that his affairs on the outside are all in order.
But, it’s not the only way you can support your man.
You can also:
- Send him money so he can buy things he needs;
- Write to him regularly and send him photos;
- Visit him when you can;
- Help his family with anything they may need help with.
In the end, it’s up to you to decide how much you can handle and what you’re willing to do to support your man while he’s inside.
Having a partner inside affects everyone differently. There are some complicated emotions that can surface, so it’s something you’re going to need to handle based on your own situation.
Image credits – Photo by Matthew Ansley on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.