If you’re in a relationship with someone locked up in jail, it’s normal to feel like you’re the one making most of the sacrifices.
However, if you feel like your partner or an inmate you’re involved with is using you or taking advantage, you need to cut ties with them.
As you’re the one with freedom, it can be difficult sometimes to tell the difference between being used and just being needed.
To help you out, here are 11 signs an inmate is using you and what you should do if you are being used:
11 Signs an Inmate Is Using You
1. They Ask You to Break the Rules for Them
If your partner on the inside or an inmate you’re involved with is constantly asking you to break the rules for them, they are using you.
This can be anything from smuggling in drugs or other contraband to trying to visit them more than the allowed number of times.
It also shows they haven’t learned anything from being inside!
Don’t break the law for them, they are putting you at risk of getting in trouble too. If they really cared for you, they just wouldn’t do this.
2. They Keep On Asking for More and More Favors
Another sign you’re being used is if they keep on asking for more and more favors, even after you’ve already helped them out a lot.
This could be anything from giving them money to put towards their commissary to sending them care packages full of things they need.
While it’s nice to help out your loved one, if there is an imbalance in your relationship and you’re being used, it’s simply not right and not fair.
Related – Here are 11 signs an inmate really loves you!
3. They Don’t Show You They Appreciate You
If you’re in a relationship with an inmate, they’re still able to show you they appreciate you and they really should.
This can be anything from saying thank you when you do something nice for them to writing letters expressing their love for you.
If they don’t show appreciation, it can be a sign that they’re taking you for granted and only see you as a means to an end.
It’s a hard truth to take, but it sounds like they really do not care about you if they can’t even be bothered to show you they appreciate you.
4. You Find Out They’re Hiding Things From You
Hiding things from you is another sign that someone is using you.
This could be anything from them not being completely honest about their criminal past to them hiding the fact that they have another girlfriend or boyfriend on the outside.
You should be able to trust your partner, and if you can’t, it’s a sign that they’re using you.
If they’re hiding things from you, no matter how small, it’s best to just move on and find someone who is going to be honest with you.
5. They Won’t Take ‘No’ for An Answer
If they won’t take no for an answer, it’s another sign that someone is using you.
This could be anything from them asking you to do something you’re uncomfortable with to them not respecting your boundaries.
It can be hard to stand up for yourself, but if they don’t respect your wishes, then it’s not a healthy relationship and it’s hard to see a positive future for the two of you.
6. They’re Not Interested in You when They Don’t Need Something
If they’re only interested in you when they need something, it’s a very strong sign that you’re being used.
This could be anything from them only wanting to talk to you when they need money to them not really caring about how your day was.
Take a moment to think about how often this inmate contacts you vs how many times they’re asking for something.
I think your answer will reveal how much this person cares about you and whether or not they’re using you.
7. They Break Promises They’ve Made to You
If they are constantly breaking promises they’ve made to you, it’s another sign that you’re being used.
This could be anything from them promising to call you at a certain time and then not calling to them not paying you back the money they owe you – then asking for more!
It’s really hurtful when someone breaks a promise, but no matter how much they apologize, if they keep doing it you need to take notice.
They’re using you and their behavior is not going to change.
8. They Don’t Want to Talk About the Future or Commit to Anything
If they don’t want to talk about the future or commit to anything, it’s not a good sign for the future of your relationship.
This could revolve around them not wanting to talk about what will happen when they get out of prison to them simply not wanting to make any plans with you at all.
If this is the case, you have to question why you’re doing so much for them and how they ever intend to pay you back or show you that they appreciate everything you’re doing.
9. Your Friends Keep Warning You that You’re Being Used
Our friends are often the voice of reason and can see the things we can’t when we’re involved in a relationship with someone.
If your friends are telling you that an inmate is using you, chances are, they are.
It’s hard to listen to this kind of advice when you’re in love (or you think you are), but you need to take their advice on board and think about what they’re saying.
10. They Get Defensive when You Question Them About Their Motivations
If you start to question their motivations and they get defensive, it’s a sign that they’re not being honest with you.
You have every right to know what their intentions are, especially if you’re doing things for them that are taking up your time – or could potentially land you in jail!
Their defensiveness is just a way of deflecting the conversation and not answering your questions honestly.
My advice is to stop running around for them and doing what they ask until they start being 100% honest and open with you.
11. You Get the Feeling that They’re Using You
If you get the feeling that they’re using you, then chances are, they probably are.
Our gut feelings are often right and if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
If you’re constantly questioning their motives and your relationship feels one-sided, then it’s time to take a step back and reassess things.
I hope the signs in this article have helped you to take a clearer look at the relationship you have with this inmate and see whether or not they are in fact using you.
If they are, it’s time to do the right thing and cut all ties with them.
You don’t need a selfish person in your life that’s going to take advantage of you, whether they’re in prison or not!
Image credits – Photo by Harry Shelton on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.