If you’re in a relationship with someone locked up in jail, it’s normal to feel like you’re the one making most of the sacrifices.
However, if you feel like your partner or an inmate you’re involved with is using you or taking advantage, you need to cut ties with them.
As you’re the one with freedom, it can be difficult sometimes to tell the difference between being used and just being needed.
To help you out, here are 11 signs an inmate is using you and what you should do if you are being used:
11 Signs an Inmate Is Using You
1. They Ask You to Break the Rules for Them
If your partner on the inside or an inmate you’re involved with is constantly asking you to break the rules for them, they are using you.
This can be anything from smuggling in drugs or other contraband to trying to visit them more than the allowed number of times.
It also shows they haven’t learned anything from being inside!
Don’t break the law for them, they are putting you at risk of getting in trouble too. If they really cared for you, they just wouldn’t do this.
2. They Keep On Asking for More and More Favors
Another sign you’re being used is if they keep on asking for more and more favors, even after you’ve already helped them out a lot.
This could be anything from giving them money to put towards their commissary to sending them care packages full of things they need.
While it’s nice to help out your loved one, if there is an imbalance in your relationship and you’re being used, it’s simply not right and not fair.
Related – Here are 11 signs an inmate really loves you!
3. They Don’t Show You They Appreciate You
If you’re in a relationship with an inmate, they’re still able to show you they appreciate you and they really should.
This can be anything from saying thank you when you do something nice for them to writing letters expressing their love for you.
If they don’t show appreciation, it can be a sign that they’re taking you for granted and only see you as a means to an end.
It’s a hard truth to take, but it sounds like they really do not care about you if they can’t even be bothered to show you they appreciate you.
4. You Find Out They’re Hiding Things From You
Hiding things from you is another sign that someone is using you.
This could be anything from them not being completely honest about their criminal past to them hiding the fact that they have another girlfriend or boyfriend on the outside.
You should be able to trust your partner, and if you can’t, it’s a sign that they’re using you.
If they’re hiding things from you, no matter how small, it’s best to just move on and find someone who is going to be honest with you.
5. They Won’t Take ‘No’ for An Answer
If they won’t take no for an answer, it’s another sign that someone is using you.
This could be anything from them asking you to do something you’re uncomfortable with to them not respecting your boundaries.
It can be hard to stand up for yourself, but if they don’t respect your wishes, then it’s not a healthy relationship and it’s hard to see a positive future for the two of you.
6. They’re Not Interested in You when They Don’t Need Something
If they’re only interested in you when they need something, it’s a very strong sign that you’re being used.
This could be anything from them only wanting to talk to you when they need money to them not really caring about how your day was.
Take a moment to think about how often this inmate contacts you vs how many times they’re asking for something.
I think your answer will reveal how much this person cares about you and whether or not they’re using you.
Related – Decided to stand by your man while he’s inside? Here is how to hold him down, too!
7. They Break Promises They’ve Made to You
If they are constantly breaking promises they’ve made to you, it’s another sign that you’re being used.
This could be anything from them promising to call you at a certain time and then not calling to them not paying you back the money they owe you – then asking for more!
It’s really hurtful when someone breaks a promise, but no matter how much they apologize, if they keep doing it you need to take notice.
They’re using you and their behavior is not going to change.
8. They Don’t Want to Talk About the Future or Commit to Anything
If they don’t want to talk about the future or commit to anything, it’s not a good sign for the future of your relationship.
This could revolve around them not wanting to talk about what will happen when they get out of prison to them simply not wanting to make any plans with you at all.
If this is the case, you have to question why you’re doing so much for them and how they ever intend to pay you back or show you that they appreciate everything you’re doing.
9. Your Friends Keep Warning You that You’re Being Used
Our friends are often the voice of reason and can see the things we can’t when we’re involved in a relationship with someone.
If your friends are telling you that an inmate is using you, chances are, they are.
It’s hard to listen to this kind of advice when you’re in love (or you think you are), but you need to take their advice on board and think about what they’re saying.
10. They Get Defensive when You Question Them About Their Motivations
If you start to question their motivations and they get defensive, it’s a sign that they’re not being honest with you.
You have every right to know what their intentions are, especially if you’re doing things for them that are taking up your time – or could potentially land you in jail!
Their defensiveness is just a way of deflecting the conversation and not answering your questions honestly.
My advice is to stop running around for them and doing what they ask until they start being 100% honest and open with you.
Related – Tips for showing someone who is incarcerated that you really care for them.
11. You Get the Feeling that They’re Using You
If you get the feeling that they’re using you, then chances are, they probably are.
Our gut feelings are often right and if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
If you’re constantly questioning their motives and your relationship feels one-sided, then it’s time to take a step back and reassess things.
I hope the signs in this article have helped you to take a clearer look at the relationship you have with this inmate and see whether or not they are in fact using you.
If they are, it’s time to do the right thing and cut all ties with them.
You don’t need a selfish person in your life that’s going to take advantage of you, whether they’re in prison or not!
Image credits – Photo by Harry Shelton on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
2 thoughts on “11 Signs an Inmate Is Using You! (What To Do About It)”
Was in association with female inmate for 13 years at the end of her sentence she was pushing me to get an apt and if that wasn’t enough she came up with a lame scam about paying someone for early release from prison with only a month or so to go didn’t send any money via wire transfer Walmart to Walmart dude burned gas for nothing she got put in seg until she was released people need to b careful with people in the system peace.
My husband is in prison and at first he was asking me to fill out a visitation form and then next minute when I haven’t even finished it form he said that they had not accepted the form and then gain the conclusion because I was the victim and the next minute he starts saying that when he gets out and he’s on parole that maybe he’ll be on restriction and then I tell him that the prison is different than the outside when the state attorney’s office said that his case was dismissed because I had written out a letter that got notarized to the state attorney’s office and then he just keeps on changing stories around and then saying that he’s going to come home to me when he calls me to get him but yeah he has never been talking about our future or anything when he gets out or intends to make plans the only thing that he does is just make promises and yet he knows other things have to take place but I really just don’t know if yet that he’s serious about coming home to me his wife especially when he is serving until I think 2025 and at first he would say to me if it passes this date then that’s it and then next minute he asked me what I want to do and I told him what I want to do and all of a sudden it matters it’s just hard to know what to believe when your husband is in prison and then when he gets out they’ll be different colors that really show who he is. But when we first got married after weeks he would be looking at other women but me he would not even look at me and that’s how it would start a fight and that’s a whole thing of marriages when you really love someone why do you need to look at other women when you already have a wife when you settle down. Before when he first went to jail he would be texting me a lot messaging me a lot calling me and then when he had went to prison he messaged me too a lot until one day he just slows down the messages and then just says now one at a time so really it’s just Monday through Friday one time of day if it gets sent in the same day and then Saturday and Sundays there’s not no telling if it really gets sent or not because people lie anywhere even in prison even the people that work there no one tells the truth. So I’m just wanting to know the truth if my husband really loves me and if he is really going to come home to me and if we are really going to live a future and a life together as husband and wife or if he’s just using me just to get his things and then leave. Because I know I did not get married to him for no reason. We just have this great true connection. At first I never really wanted to get married and this first time I got married I really thought it was something but I really never wanted to get married in my life because me being scared and I didn’t want to be hurt and now he just causes problems just because I was washing clothes and then he fusses about it like he couldn’t wait to put ointment on my leg and then all the sudden just started yelling at me and then he just starts suffocating me with a blanket and then he puts all his fingers down my throat trying to kill me and after he did that my throat hurts so bad I could not even swallow. So I just want to really ask a realistic question when a husband does that but he’s got mental problems do you think that a husband like that could still love me and not acknowledging it but he still loves me his wife? Do you think after he gets out of prison in another 2 years do you think that he is really serious about still having a life with me and living a life with me at his new home? Do you think that when he calls me and I pay for the phone call but he doesn’t even make future events with me about anything even what we’re going to do when he gets out or just make stuff up do you really think that the husband is going to really return to the why without doing the same things of looking at other women and still to me that’s not a husband that has a commitment with the wife that and that made vows to the wife. To me being married and making a commitment and saying each other’s vows that means clearly to me that you obviously are settled down and you are not looking for No other woman but when you are married and you’re still looking at a woman and looking the way that that person is dressed to me that is just a bad husband when he is married and has a wife and that is just very disrespectful and not appropriate when the husband has a wife…