Do you feel like you’re spotting signs a married man is using you?
If you’ve wound up in a relationship with a married man, I’m not going to judge you.
What I am going to do is help you figure out if you’re being used, because no one – this means you – deserves to be used.
Especially not by a married man who is enjoying living his double life and the best of both worlds!
Here are 17 signs a married man is using you and what you should do about it.
17 Signs a Married Man Is Using You
1. He Only Meets You When It Suits Him
If you’re only ever seeing each other when it suits him and he cancels plans at the last minute, then it’s likely he’s using you.
A married man who is serious about you will want to make time for you, regardless of his commitments.
If he can’t do that, then he’s not worth your time.
2. He’s Never Going to Tell His Wife About You
If he’s never going to tell his wife about you, it’s a sure sign he’s using you.
If he doesn’t see you as being worthy of his time or commitment, why would he ever tell his wife?
The harsh reality is that you’re nothing more than a dirty little secret to him., and that’s how it’s going to stay unless you do something about it.
3. You Suspect – Or Know – He’s Seeing Other Women
If you suspect – or know – he’s seeing other women, then he’s definitely using you (and those other women).
A married man who is interested in you will want to focus his attention on you and only you.
If he’s seeing other women, it’s a sign that he’s a ‘married player’ and he’s just trying to satisfy his needs regardless of the damage he causes everyone else.
4. He Doesn’t Ask About How You’re Doing
If he never asks about how you’re doing, it’s a sign that he doesn’t really care.
A man who is interested in you will want to know how you’re feeling, what’s going on in your life and what your thoughts are.
Yes, he’s married and this adds some complications. But it doesn’t take much effort to be thoughtful, and if he cared about you he’d be interested in you.
5. He Doesn’t Want to Talk About Personal Things
If he doesn’t want to talk about personal things, it’s a sign that he’s keeping you at arm’s length.
A man who is interested in you will want to get to know you on a deeper level and will bring you into his life.
If he never wants to talk about himself, it’s clear that he’s using you for physical or emotional hookups.
6. He Always Wants to See You at Short Notice
If he always wants to see you at short notice, it’s a sign that he’s using you for a hookup.
A man who is interested in you will want to make plans in advance so that he is not putting you under any pressure to cancel plans.
If he only ever contacts you at the last minute and expects you to drop what you’re doing, it’s a sign that all he wants is to use you at his convenience.
7. You Catch Him Out Telling Lies
If you catch him telling lies, it’s a sign that he’s trying to manipulate what he’s telling you and what you know about him.
A man who is interested in you and respects you will want to be honest with you so that he can build trust.
If he’s always lying, it’s likely that he’s using you and doesn’t care about your feelings or well-being!
Related – Reasons why married men have emotional affairs and why emotional affairs are so hurtful.
8. He Disappears for Long Periods
If he disappears for long periods of time, it’s a strong sign that he’s not really interested in you.
A man who is interested in you will want to keep in touch and will make an effort to stay in your life.
If he goes MIA for days or weeks at a time, who knows what he’s up to – but one thing you do know is that he’s not showing you he cares.
9. He Gets Angry When You Suggest Moving Things Forward
If he gets angry when you suggest moving things forward, it’s a sign that he doesn’t want to commit to you.
A man who is interested in you will be open to the idea of taking things to the next level and will have no problem discussing it with you.
Getting angry or annoyed just shows how defensive he is and willing to protect his marriage, reputation, etc, ahead of your feelings.
10. He Forgets About Key Dates
If he forgets about key dates that are important to you, it’s a sign that you’re not really a priority in his life.
A man who is interested in you will make an effort to remember your birthday, anniversaries, and other special occasions.
Forgetting these things shows how little he cares and how unimportant you are to him.
11. He’s Always Letting You Down
If he’s always letting you down, it’s a sign that you’re not really a priority in his life.
A man who is interested in you will make an effort to keep his promises and will do everything he can to follow through on his plans.
If he’s constantly canceling plans or breaking promises, it shows how little respect he has for you and how he’s using you for his own gain.
12. He’s Asks for a Lot but Gives Nothing Back
Always asking for favors but never giving anything back is one of the classic signs one person is using another.
It’s no different in a relationship where you’re seeing a married man. There are no excuses for this behavior.
If he’s only ever taking and never giving, it shows how selfish he is and how little he cares about you.
Related – Tips for dealing with a selfish person or someone who wants to be alone a lot.
13. He Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
Making you feel bad about yourself is a sign that a married man is trying to control you and your emotions.
If he cared about you, he would want to build you up and make you feel good about yourself.
If he’s always putting you down, it’s a sign he’s trying to manipulate you and make sure you behave in a way that suits him.
14. It’s Just Physical, There Is No Romance
If it feels like it’s just a physical relationship the two of you have and there is no romance, then it’s an obvious sign that he’s only interested in you that way.
This might be how the relationship started for the two of you, but things change over time and it doesn’t mean that’s what you should settle for.
If you don’t want to be used to meet his physical needs, it’s time to put a stop to it.
15. He Tries to Buy Your Silence
If he’s ever tried to buy your silence with gifts, it’s a sign that he knows what he’s doing is wrong and wants to keep you from telling anyone.
He might think that if he buys you enough things, you’ll be less likely to say anything because you’ll be worried about losing his generosity.
It’s a common tactic married men use to carry on using their affairs but it’s not something you have to put up with.
16. He Won’t Commit to Anything
If he’s not willing to commit to anything long-term, it’s a sign that he doesn’t see you as being part of his future.
This could be in terms of your relationship or even just plans for the future in general.
He might say he doesn’t want to make any promises but if he won’t even discuss the future, it’s a bad sign.
17. You Just Get the Feeling He Doesn’t Care About You
If you have a gut feeling that he doesn’t care about you, it’s probably because he doesn’t.
You might not be able to put your finger on why, but trust your instincts on this one.
If you feel like he’s just using you, chances are that’s exactly what he’s doing.
The more of the points you can check off from the above list, and the more evasive he is when you question him, the more obvious it is that this guy is using you.
Should You Break off Your Affair if He’s Using You?
It’s not easy to break off an affair, especially if you’ve been seeing a married man for a long time.
You might have strong feelings for him and he might have led you to believe there is a future for the two of you.
However, if he’s been using you all along, it’s important to realize that he’s never going to change.
You deserve better than to be someone’s second choice and you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed to you.
If you’re not sure if you should break off your affair, ask yourself if you’re willing to settle for being his last resort.
If the answer is no, then it’s time to walk away.
The reality is that once you break free from this guy, you’ll make space in your life to meet someone who truly cares about you and is willing to make you his #1.
Image credits – Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.