After a year has passed with no contact, a lot of people start thinking about texting their ex because they miss them, wonder what they’re up to, or just want to stay in touch.
Whether things ended well or badly with your relationship, it’s important to consider all the possible outcomes before sending that text.
Here is a look at the pros and cons of texting your ex after a year and some important questions to ask yourself before doing so!
Should I Text My Ex After a Year? (10 Questions to Ask Yourself)
1. Did Your Relationship End on Good Terms?
It doesn’t make a huge difference how your relationship ended, a year is a long time.
But if you ended on as good of terms as can be said for a breakup, then that’s going to make contacting them and their response more likely.
It’s something to think about as it’s a way of gauging what type of response – if at all – you can expect.
2. Is Your Ex Currently Single?
This is an important question as reaching out to an ex after a year who is in a happy relationship isn’t fair to them.
Even if you don’t have any intentions of getting back together it might open up old wounds or bring up bad memories.
If you know they’ve moved on or can see this is the case on social media, it’s best to leave them alone.
3. Do You Know Why You Want to Text Them?
Why do you want to text your ex after a year?
If you’re bored, just wondering what they’re up to, or hoping to pick up where you left off in some way, it’s a bad idea.
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t do it, only you can answer that for sure. But it’s typically not a good idea.
Some of the situations where it is a good idea are if you know they’re single, are sure it’s not going to upset them, and if you have a good idea they want to hear from you.
4. Are You Willing to Answer Any Questions They Have Honestly?
If you’re going to text your ex out of the blue after a year, the least you can do is answer any questions they have, and honestly.
It’s likely that if your ex is surprised to hear from you, they’ll have some questions about why you’re texting them, and possibly even have some unanswered questions from the breakup.
If you’re not ready to be asked certain questions, you’re not ready to text your ex.
5. Are You Being Honest with Yourself About Why You’re Texting Them?
Don’t kid yourself about your motives for wanting to text your ex.
If you’re hoping for a romantic response and to rekindle your relationship, it’s best to accept that and make it known upfront.
If you’re hoping to be friends again, or just genuinely want to catch up on their life, then you should also be clear about that.
They’re going to be shocked enough to hear from you, make sure you know exactly why you’re texting them and don’t play games.
6. Are You Going to Be Ok if They Don’t Respond?
A year is a long time, and while you may have been simmering over texting your ex for a year, they may have moved on.
Your ex may not respond, or they might even be angry you contacted them.
Be prepared for any of these possibilities, and ask yourself if you’re going to be ok with it.
7. Are You Going to Be Ok if It Opens up Old Wounds?
Again, you may have good intentions and not want to open up any old wounds or get into anything that’s going to be emotionally taxing for either of you.
But, it’s important to acknowledge the possibility that they might bring uncomfortable stuff up from the past.
If this is something that is going to be too hard for you emotionally, it’s best not to reach out.
8. Are You in A Good Place in Your Life Right Now?
If you’re in a bad place mentally and emotionally, it’s not a good idea to contact your ex.
The answer is that simple for a lot of people.
This is important because if you’re not in a good place, you’re probably going to project some of your issues and insecurities to your ex.
You don’t want to do that. If you’re reaching out over a year you want it to be for the right reasons and when you’re in a good place.
9. Would You Be Open to Meeting in Person?
I’m not saying it’s a given, but if you start texting your ex there is always the possibility they’ll want to meet up in person.
Are you going to be OK with that?
More so, if you have a partner, would they be OK with that?
10. Does It Feel Deep Down Like It’s the Right Thing to Do?
This is a gut-check question; taking into account the other points raised, does it feel like it’s the right thing to do to contact your ex?
At the end of the day, only you know and truly understand your motivations and situation.
If it feels like the right thing to do, then go ahead and text them, otherwise, it may be best to leave things as they are.
Tips when Texting an Ex After a Year of No Contact
Keep It Casual
It’s been a year, don’t put too much pressure on the conversation, and focus on catching up in a friendly way.
I’m sure there will be a lot of small talk and catching up to do.
Reach Out About Something You Have in Common
The best way to contact someone after such a long period of no contact out of the blue is by bringing up something you both have in common.
You could use a past experience or memory (something nice), mention a band or a film you both like, anything like that should be a nice way to break the ice.
Make Sure You Listen (Or Read) What They’re Saying Carefully
It’s easy to get caught up in what you want the outcome of contacting your ex to be and miss the signs or what they’re telling you.
Make sure you pay close attention to what they’re saying. If they tell you they need more time or want to be left alone, respect that.
Ultimately, It’s Up To You!
At the end of the day, it’s up to you if you want to contact your ex after a year of no contact.
All I can do is help you look at the pros and cons and prepare you for what might happen, but you’ll never know unless you text them.
Another way of looking at this is; what’s the worst that can happen, right?
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-red-haired-sexy-size-woman
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.