Is your boyfriend still hurting from his breakup with his ex?
If so, it’s understandable that you’re frustrated, questioning what he feels about you, and struggling to enjoy each other’s company.
There is hope, however, with good communication and some understanding, you can help him work through his pain.
Here is my best advice for helping your boyfriend through his pain and strengthening your relationship:
My Boyfriend Is Still Hurt by His Ex! (Here’s What to Do)
It’s normal for people to carry feelings and emotions from past relationships, and everyone reacts and deals with those feelings differently.
If your boyfriend is clearly not over the pain and hurt he experienced in his last relationship, it doesn’t mean his feelings for you are anything less than he tells you.
If you’re in this situation, the most important thing is that you’re able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how he’s feeling, and how it’s affecting you.
It’ll be difficult, and even a little awkward for you, but you need to encourage your boyfriend to talk about his feelings.
Try to be understanding and empathetic, and listen more than you talk.
It’s very possible that with time, support, and effective communication, your boyfriend will be able to work through his feelings.
What I can tell you is that if he doesn’t talk about it, if not with you then with someone else, it’s going to take him a lot longer and there may always be unresolved feelings.
Related – Are you losing feelings for your boyfriend? Take this quiz and find out!
Are You In a Rebound Relationship?
If your boyfriend is not over his ex, there is a very real possibility that you’re in a rebound relationship with him – and this rarely ends well.
There is no one-size-fits-all definition for what a rebound relationship looks like.
If you think you’re a rebound, the main things to consider are:
- How soon after his previous relationship did your relationship start? If your relationship started very soon after your boyfriend’s previous relationship ended, this is a red flag
- Is your boyfriend emotionally available? If your boyfriend is still dealing with strong emotions related to his previous relationship it sounds like he might not be emotionally available to give you his all.
- Is your boyfriend open and honest about his feelings? If your boyfriend is not able to be open and honest with you about his feelings and emotions, it’s a strong sign he’s not over his ex.
I’m not trying to scare you, just because a relationship may be a rebound for one person, it doesn’t mean it can’t be a genuine and meaningful relationship.
The key is communication, if you can talk about this openly and honestly with your partner you’ll be able to determine where his head is.
How Long Should It Take for Your Boyfriend to Get Over His Ex?
I wish there was an answer to this question, it would make things so much simpler!
The truth is that the amount of time it takes for someone to get over their ex can vary widely.
Some people may be able to move on quickly, almost instantly, while others may never truly get over a past relationship.
There are no hard and fast rules for how long it should take for your boyfriend to get over his ex.
The most important thing is to allow him the time and space he needs to heal and process his feelings while being a supportive partner.
Almost all of us carry some past relationship trauma with us to some extent, but it’s important to focus on the present, and to look forward rather than backward.
If you can build a strong connection with your partner that goes beyond the pain of his past, this will help him to move on from it.
How Can I Help My Boyfriend Get Over the Pain and Hurt of His Ex?
While you can’t rush your boyfriend, there are a number of things you can do to help him deal with the hurt he’s feeling and get over his ex.
The main things are:
- Encourage him to talk about his feelings: This is everything, your boyfriend needs to talk about his feelings to someone if he’s not able to do so with you.
- Help him find healthy ways to cope: He needs to find ways to deal with his emotions, or they’re never going to go away.
- Be patient and understanding: Healing from a breakup takes time, you’re going to need to be patient and ready when he’s willing to open up.
- Focus on building a strong and healthy relationship: Don’t let your boyfriend’s hurt over his ex dominate your relationship.
- Seek outside help if necessary: If your boyfriend is having a hard time moving on and talking to you, it may be helpful for him to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member.
Related – Are you tired of your broke boyfriend? You need to read this!
How Can I Tell if My Boyfriend Still Has Feelings for His Ex?
I know what you’re probably thinking, too, if your boyfriend is still hurting over his ex does he still have feelings for her?
Just because he’s not over the pain of splitting up, this doesn’t mean that he still has feelings for her.
The pain and emotions that linger after splitting are very different from romantic ones or regret.
That said, it’s important to watch out for signs that your boyfriend may still be hung up on his ex such as:
- He still talks about his ex often
- He’s still in regular contact with her
- He looks back on their relationship with nostalgia
- He’s not willing to move forward with you
If you’re seeing any of these signs, it might be time to have an honest conversation about his feelings and the future of your relationship.
Remember, communication is key to overcoming any obstacle in a relationship. With a little bit of effort, you can help your boyfriend to move past the hurt of his ex and get on with building a new, happy relationship.
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-young-couple-in-depression
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.