I’ve heard it so many times, “my boyfriend never comes over to my place – what does it mean?”
It’s frustrating when you’re in this situation. Nothing in a relationship should be one-sided, especially if you’re making it clear you want him to come to yours sometimes.
You need to find out why he won’t come round, it’s that simple.
If he’s not communicating or if it’s difficult to talk about, here are some reasons to investigate. I’m sure you’ll find the reason why he doesn’t come to yours is one or more of the following:
Do You Live With Parents/Roommates?
If you live with your parents, you can probably understand that he feels a little awkward going round to yours. Especially if his place is parent-free.
Or maybe you have some roommates there? Your boyfriend might just prefer to be alone with you, and it’s hard for him to say that without thinking he’s going to offend you.
You can easily test this out by inviting him round and making it clear that no one else is going to be there. See if that piques his interest or encourages him to discuss the topic.
He’s Just Not Committed To the Relationship
This is the reason no one really wants to hear, and for obvious reasons. But you need to address this if you’re going to move forward with your relationship.
If he literally cannot be bothered to go over to your place even after you’ve asked him too, then he’s clearly not committed enough.
Let’s be honest here, relationships are about give-and-take. Even if he prefers his place, he should at least go to yours sometimes to show he cares.
I suggest you start looking at other areas of your relationship. How much effort is he really making?
Do You Need To Tidy up? (Be Honest)
I have to make this point because a lot of people who are messy, just don’t see it. Or, you might not even be that messy, but it’s still too much for your boyfriend to deal with.
Men and women live very differently for the most part – messy or not. If you have a very feminine set-up, such as makeup and clothes everywhere, he may not be comfortable.
I’m assuming you’re always at his place if he’s not at yours. How tidy is his place compared to yours? Is he OCD about anything being laid out in a certain way?
Tell him you’ve had a good clean up (and actually do clean up) and see how he reacts. If it’s the only thing holding him back he’ll want to come and see.
I’m not sure whether this is going to make you feel better or worse, but the answer might simply be that your boyfriend is lazy.
How far away do you live? Does he have to walk, catch a bus, drive? You might even live just down the road and it’s super easy, it depends on just how lazy he is.
You might be able to figure out if this is the answer by looking at other areas of his life. What things does he put an effort into?
If it’s just his friends, going out, watching sports, and other selfish activities, this is a huge red flag.
There’s Something at His House You Don’t Have at Yours
What kind of things do the two of you get up to when you’re at his place? Does he watch TV, play video games, and goof around on his phone like most guys?
Does he have a super comfy chair and beers on tap too? Sounds like a life of luxury if he does, and he probably likes it that way.
If these are things he can’t do at yours, then it’s likely to at least be part of the reason why he’s more comfortable at his.
It’s still not an excuse in my book. You guys definitely need to talk about it, but if this is the reason maybe you can work out a compromise.
What Should You Do Next?
First of all, you really need to talk about this openly.
It’s not always easy. You need to come across like you’re completely understanding and sympathetic to his reasons, while also making it clear it’s fair that you always go to his.
If you’ve been able to discover the underlying cause from the above suggestions, even better. You can go into this with a plan and some form of compromise.
Relationships are about give-and-take. This doesn’t always mean things are going to be 50/50, but at the very least your boyfriend should make an effort.
What happens next really depends on how willing your boyfriend is to adapt, how much it means to him that you’re happy, and what the root cause for his behavior is.
Image credits – Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.