If a man doesn’t invite you to his house it’s a huge red flag, let me say that right off the top.
There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation. In fact, what reason is he giving you? You need to look at that – and don’t feel bad – but do a little digging to see if he’s telling the truth.
It’s not normal to not be invited to a boyfriend, partner, lover, significant other – whatever your relationship is – house.
Despite what he’s telling you, the reason is almost certainly going to be one of the following:
He Has a “Secret” Partner/Family
Unfortunately, one of the most common reasons a man doesn’t invite someone over to his home is because he has a partner or a family there.
Sometimes, they might allude to this with other excuses. Such as saying they’re in the process of splitting up, it’s just a roommate or something else to stop you snooping.
But the reality is that a lot of men cheat. Whether they are unhappy in their relationship, or not.
And obviously the last thing they want is their new partner or mistress meeting their other partner. It’s a pretty shortsighted plan and usually means they end up in a big mess.
But as most of us know, men don’t always think with their heads and they usually start to think about how to get out of such a mess when it’s too late.
Related – 11 Signs your man has a secret crush.
He’s Embarrassed About Where He Lives
This is nowhere near as bad as having a wife at home. To the man, however, it can cause a lot of embarrassment and anxiety – especially if you live in a much more affluent area.
It’s kind of cliche, isn’t it? Boy meets girl, thinks she is out of his league, tries to cover that up he comes from a humble background or has found himself on hard times.
Seriously though, it is a very real concern for a lot of people, both men, and women. He may be trying to paint a picture that’s very different from his reality, and can only protect that by not letting over his place.
He’s Embarrassed About How He Lives
Being embarrassed about how he lives is probably worse than being embarrassed about his neighborhood.
If he’s a hoarder or incredibly messy, then this can cause serious problems down the road should the two of you ever move in together.
The fact that he knows this and is mindful enough to hide it says something too.
On one hand, you can understand him being ashamed, but on the other hand, he needs to do something about it.
He’s Not Serious About You and It’s Too Big a Commitment
This is another hard pill to swallow. A lot of guys will not invite a girl over to their place is they’re not that serious about them.
This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see you all the time. It means he doesn’t want to bring you into parts of his life that give you a “hold” on him.
He may live alone, have a lovely place all nice and tidy, but having you turning up unannounced is the last thing he wants. So, it’s easier to leave you in the dark as to where he lives.
Maybe he has other women in his life. Maybe he’s just limiting his involvement with you. It’s definitely something to take a good look at.
Related – 8 Signs your man wants to be left alone.
In Summary – If a Man Doesn’t Invite You to His House
There you have it, 4 of the most common reasons why a man wouldn’t want you to know where he lives or come round to his place:
- He lives with a partner
- He is embarrassed about where he lives
- He lives in such a mess he’s embarrassed, and
- He’s not serious enough about the relationship
As you can probably guess, there are few “good” reasons why he would be secretive about where he lives.
It’s just a matter of how big a deal either of these reasons are. Either way, you absolutely have to speak to him about this.
Your relationship isn’t going to be a healthy one without honesty and communication from the beginning.
Either find out why he’s not inviting you round, or press him so he’s honest about it.
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Image credits – Header photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
I recently found out that my ex-boyfriends mother passed away. I was close to her and considered as a daughter. Anyway, when she passed away, he still kept the house, doesn’t live there, it’s not rented out either. However, he still wants mail addressed to him a this address. Is there an issue? Is he hiding something?
It certainly sounds like he’s not moving on for some reason. It may be for convenience, habit, or it may be something more in terms of an emotional attachment to that house. If the house is being left empty and he has no immediate plans for it, that conversation needs to be had for sure.
Can someone help me understand why my boyfriend never invite me to his home. We have been together a little over a year. We both are Christians and he wants to wait until we are married to live together and to become intimate. He is always at my place sometime he spends the night or we watch movies and have dinner. We talk about marriage and our careers towards our future together. I have only met one family member whom he is very close with. And its not his mother. He lives with his brother whom i never met before. My boyfriend lives a private life and he is very particular who he allows in his circle. At this point i don’t know what to do or how i am to handle this situation. Ive never experience this before. Can someone shine some light on this.
My boyfriend doesnt communicate with me often and mostly doesnt pick my calls. And each time i complain about it he says he’s busy with work. He never took me to where he lives.
My boyfriend always comes
Over and have spend the night at my apartment, he never invited me to his apartment….
My ex. boyfriend comes to my apartment and he never tells me were he lives and never have invited me. What is going on with this picture?
I recently met someone and he never invited me to his place I finally asked him why doesn’t he want me to come to his place and he will never answer instead he plays the game of I have invited you and I tell him that’s not true so he plays this game mine and we’re going to arguments so I decided he will never come to my house unless I go to his place he decided to break up then I told him you are definitely hiding something or you have too many other women and you don’t want us to bump into each other while we are at your house so I stopped talking to him he’s trying to tell me he steals wants to see me and I tell him I can never be with him unless he will change and let me come to his house otherwise this is never going to work and I am no longer talking to him I blocked his number he was playing games and I wanted a relationship and he was not a man enough to say he was not interested in a relationship
One of my wife’s friends was going out with this guy and he never invited her back to his. He always went to hers. The excuse he used was his house was being “renovated”
They separated after a while and it turned out he already had a wife and kid with someone else.
Hi, I met this guy in March 2020 just before a nationwide lockdown. He pressured me to meet him at his house the first time to which I thought was odd and
didn’t agree to it. He came to my house basically the whole first 2 months. Then the first time I went to his- discovered he was a hoarder. Was quite a shock. It has been on and off- mainly off since February of this year. The last time I I unfortunately let him into my home again, in May of this year, he bragged about having bought a new second house and he would not tell me the address. I have since found out where it is. I am very suspicious of this man and I do not want anything further to do with him, now that he has not told me where he possibly lives now. I would advise anyone if they won’t tell you where they live to treat it as a major red flag and move on quickly they aren’t worth it and have secrets and lies and things to hide from you.
I met someone a year now. He said he is from a humble background and his mother is fighting breast cancer. i understood and tried my best to help him whenever he asked for money. whenever i told him i dont have money he used to get angry and ask of what importance i was to him.
just the other day he said he lost his phone and i gave him a phone. again he claimed is not working and he had been submiting letters to get a good job. i bought him another phone but he claimed he couldnt use it because his current boss is disturbing him so he has destroyed the sim card. after some few days he got a job out of the town and had been calling me with his friend’s phone to send him some money. one day he lied he is hospitalised and needed alot of money only to call his friend to find out he is at home. That day he called me with a different number which i come to realise is his number and he immediately blocked me claiming is an office number only allows whatsup and paybill. nowadays he calls me using the same number. he never invites me to his place and all the time he come to my town he needs to come over my place. i told him i would love to visit where he leaves and it brought up kind of an issue and i feel tired of his games.
run dont look back! hes abusing you
I met someone in 2020 we are in love but I have never visited him in his place but he has been to mine he has a son with another lady whenever I asked him to take me to his house he will tell me different thing I even told him again that I want to see his son nothing so I want to investigate the issue myself as to why he is not inviting me to his and why he doesn’t want me to see his son