If you’ve cheated on your husband and never told him – you’re carrying a heavy burden.
So, the burning question; should you tell your husband you cheated?
There are arguments for both sides; some people think you should come clean, and some people think it’s best never to say anything.
In my opinion, every situation is different and you have to take into account all possible scenarios before making this decision.
Should You Tell Your Husband You Cheated?
There are a lot of factors to consider before deciding if you should tell your husband you cheated.
For example, how long ago did the affair happen? If it was a one-time thing that happened a long time ago, it might be best to keep it to yourself.
How do you think he’ll react? If you think he’ll be understanding and forgiving, then it might be worth telling him if you’re struggling with the guilt.
But if you think he’ll react badly – like getting angry, violent, or being destructive – then it might be best to keep quiet.
Do you have a family you want to keep together? If you have kids, then telling your husband might not be the best idea as it could destroy your family.
Are you over the affair and want to put it behind you? If you are committed to putting the affair or cheating behind you, this is also a strong reason to keep it buried.
With all of this said, something that tops all of these reasons and causes most spouses to come clean is the guilt.
If you really can’t live with the guilt of cheating and it’s affecting you and your mental health, coming clean will set you free despite the fallout.
This is why you need to weigh up all of your options and decide what’s best for you and your family.
Related – Does the guilt of cheating ever really go away? Explained here!
How Do You Forgive Yourself for Cheating and Not Telling Your Husband?
If you’re not going to tell your husband about your cheating, it’s understandable that you’re going to be carrying the guilt around with you.
If you don’t do something to deal with that guilt, however, it’s going to eat away at you and have a negative impact on your health.
For some women – and men – the only way to truly deal with this guilt is to admit to what they’ve done.
But for most women, there are other ways they are able to deal with or manage the guilt and feelings they have about what they did without admitting it.
Here are some ways you can try to forgive yourself and move on without telling your husband:
- Talk to a therapist or counselor about what you’re feeling.
- Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what’s going on.
- Join a support group for women who have cheated.
- Read self-help books or articles about how to deal with guilt and shame.
- Pray or meditate to help calm your mind and soul.
- Do something nice for yourself each day to make yourself feel better.
- Focus on the positive things in your life.
At the end of the day, time is also going to be a huge healer and that’s something you can’t rush.
Don’t Keep Cheating Secret For The Wrong Reasons
I think it’s important to point out that keeping your cheating secret for the wrong reasons could be just as damaging as coming out and telling your husband.
Examples of some of the wrong reasons to keep cheating secret even though you want to tell your husband are:
- You’re worried about what other people will think or say when they hear about it – it doesn’t matter what other people think. You can’t live your life suffering because you’re concerned about how others will judge you.
- You don’t want to lose your current lifestyle – it shouldn’t come down to money or convenience, emotions and feelings are more important.
- You don’t want to be alone – again, just thinking about yourself is not the right way to weigh up the pros and cons of coming clean.
Honestly, you need to listen to your heart and soul as well as your head. If you know deep down the right thing is to tell your husband, you should.
Related – Do you have a gut feeling your partner has cheated? Read this!
Will I Ever Forgive Myself for Cheating?
The big question on your mind might now be will you ever forgive yourself for cheating?
The answer is, it depends.
If you’re able to come to terms with what you did and why you did it, there’s a good chance you will eventually forgive yourself.
But if you continue to beat yourself up about it and live in a state of guilt and shame, it’s going to be very hard to move on.
Only you can decide whether you want to try to forgive yourself and move on or continue to wallow in self-pity.
If you do decide to try to forgive yourself, it’s not going to happen overnight.
It’s going to take time, patience, and a lot of hard work.
But if you’re willing to put in the effort, it’s possible to forgive yourself and move on with your life.
Image credits – Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.