How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating and Not Telling (9 Tips)

If you’ve cheated on your partner and never told them, this can be a heavy burden to carry with you.

Whether it was a one-time fling or a long-term relationship, and whether you’re still with your partner or not, you may be feeling a great deal of guilt.

In this post, I’m going to explain how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling your partner:

How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating and Not Telling – 9 Tips

1. Own What You Did and Be Honest with Yourself

The first step is to be honest with yourself. Acknowledge what you did and why it was wrong, don’t blame others.

This will help you to make peace with your actions and start the process of forgiveness.

If you’re still in a relationship with your partner, this doesn’t mean you have to tell them.

Whether or not you should confess all to your partner is a controversial and hotly debated topic.

Most professionals say it will cause your partner unnecessary harm and you shouldn’t tell them – but I think it’s something you need to decide for yourself.

2. Don’t Beat Yourself up About It

Yes, you made a mistake, a big mistake. but everyone makes mistakes.

Assuming you’ve now ended the fling and can see the error of your ways, try to be kind to yourself and don’t dwell on it too much.

This is easier said than done, but try to focus on the positive things in your life and let go of the guilt.

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3. Understand Why You Ended up Cheating and What’s Changed Now

There’s usually a reason why people cheat, whether it be because they’re unhappy in their relationship or they have unmet needs.

It’s important to try and understand why you cheated so that you can make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If you’re still with your partner, make sure you communicate your needs to them and work on your relationship.

If you’re no longer with your partner, make sure you’re honest about what you want and need in a future relationship.

4. Focus on Improving Yourself

Once you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and are working on forgiving yourself, it’s time to focus on improving yourself.

This means looking at the things that led you to cheat in the first place and addressing them.

It could be anything from low self-esteem to being attracted to the wrong type of person.

Identify areas where you can improve, and do what you need to do to become a stronger, better person.

5. Talk to Someone About It

If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, it might help to talk to someone about it.

This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else who will listen and offer support.

Talking about what you did can help you to process your emotions and start to move on.

It can also be helpful to read articles or books on the topic, or to join a support group for people who have cheated.

6. Don’t Blame Your Partner

It’s important to remember that your partner is not responsible for your actions.

Even if they were unhappy in the relationship or you felt like you had unmet needs, only you are responsible for cheating.

Do not try to blame your partner or make excuses for what you did. Instead, focus on taking responsibility and making things right.

7. Cut All Ties with The Person if You’re Still in A Relationship

If you’re still in a relationship with the person you cheated on, it’s important to cut all ties with the person you cheated with.

This means no contact whatsoever – no texting, calling, emailing, or social media. If you see them in person, walk away.

It might be hard at first, but it’s necessary if you want to move on and forgive yourself.

Related Reasons why you might feel uncomfortable or awkward around your partner.

8. Know that You Can Change

There is a saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Anyone can change.

If you’re willing to do the work, it’s possible to move past this and have a happy, healthy relationship.

Take things one day at a time and be patient with yourself. You can do it.

9. Look at Your Close Circle of Friends

There is another famous saying by Jim Rohn that says, “we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.”

I believe there is some serious truth to this saying, I’ve seen it myself a number of times.

We really do become like the people we spend the most time with.

If your close circle of friends are all dishonest or have cheated on their partners, then it’s likely that you will too.

But if your close circle of friends are honest and have healthy relationships, then it’s likely that you will too.

Think about the people you spend the most time with and whether or not they are good influences on your life!

Will I Ever Forgive Myself for Cheating?

The answer to this question is ultimately up to you.

Forgiving yourself for cheating is a process, and it might take some time.

But if you’re willing to do the work, it’s possible to forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Remember that you are not defined by your mistakes and that you can change.

If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, talk to someone about it. They can offer support and help you to start the process of forgiveness.

If you’re willing to work on yourself, I have no doubts that you’ll be able to forgive yourself and be a stronger person going forward.

How Do I Heal Myself After Cheating?

The first step to healing is to forgive yourself.

This can be a difficult process, but it’s necessary if you want to move on.

After you’ve forgiven yourself, look at the things that led you to cheat in the first place and address them.

It could be anything from low self-esteem to being attracted to the wrong type of person.

Work on healing the root issues so that you can have a healthy, happy relationship in the future.


Image credits – Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash

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