Being blamed for everything – especially when you have little or no control over the outcome – is incredibly frustrating.
You shouldn’t put up with being treated like this, no matter who the person blaming you is.
It’s time to do something about it and stop being an emotional punching bag for someone else!
Here are 20 ways how to deal with someone who blames you for everything.
20 Ways How to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for Everything
1. Calmly Question the Person Why They’re Blaming You
You need to get to the root of the problem and find out why this person is choosing to blame you.
Are they feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, so they’re looking for someone to take their frustrations out on?
Or are they trying to control the situation by making you feel guilty?
Once you know why they’re behaving this way, it’ll be easier to deal with them, and the best way is to just ask them.
2. Make Them Find the Reasoning in Their Behavior
You can’t just let them off the hook for their bad behavior.
If they’re going to blame you, they need to at least have a good reason why.
So, make them explain themselves and find the logic in what they’re trying to do.
This will force them to see how irrational their thinking is, and hopefully, they’ll start to change their ways.
You can’t control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react to it.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
This is easier said than done, but it’s important to remember that their behavior is not about you.
They’re projecting their own issues and insecurities onto you, so don’t take it to heart.
Their words and actions are a reflection of them, not of you. So, don’t let their blame game bring you down.
4. Don’t Accept What They’re Saying if It’s Not True
Just because someone says something, doesn’t make it true.
Don’t believe everything they say, especially if it’s not supported by evidence or logic.
Their words are just their opinion, and you don’t have to accept it as fact.
So, don’t let them control what you think about yourself – only you can do that.
5. Be Empathetic Towards the Person Blaming You
Empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree with the person or condone their behavior.
It just means that you understand where they’re coming from and why they might be feeling this way.
Sometimes, a little empathy can go a long way in diffusing a tense situation.
So, try to see things from their perspective.
You may be able to see why they’re pushing blame onto you, and it may even help you to help them change their behavior.
6. Speak with Them at A More Neutral Time
When you’re feeling calm and level-headed, it’ll be easier to deal with someone who’s behaving irrationally.
So, wait for a time when both of you are in a more neutral emotional state before trying to talk things out.
This way, you can have a productive conversation without any raised voices or hurt feelings.
7. Set Some Boundaries when The Person Blaming You
It’s important to establish some boundaries with someone who’s constantly blaming you.
Make it clear that their behavior is not acceptable and that you won’t tolerate it anymore.
Let them know what you will and won’t do in response to their blame game.
For example, you might say something like;
“I’m not going to listen to you if you’re just going to blame me. I’m happy to talk things out, but only if you’re willing to listen too.”
8. If You’re at Work Go Through the Correct Channels
If the person blaming you is someone you work with, it’s important to go through the correct channels within your organization.
This might mean talking to your boss or HR department about the situation and seeing what they suggest.
It’s not worth jeopardizing your job over someone who can’t take responsibility for their own actions.
So, resist biting back and make sure you’re following the right procedures at work.
9. Evaluate if It’s Worth Trying to Change This Person’s Behavior
It’s important to remember that you can’t change someone else’s behavior.
They have to want to change themselves.
So, before you invest any more time and energy into this person, ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
If they’re not willing to listen or try to see things from your perspective, then it probably is not worth you spending time trying to make them see the error of their ways.
Related – Tips for dealing with short-tempered people.
10. Bring in A Neutral Third Party to Mediate
If you’re really struggling to deal with someone who’s always blaming you, it might be helpful to bring in a neutral third party.
This could be a therapist, counselor, coworker, mutual friend, or even a mediator.
They will be able to help you both communicate more effectively and hopefully resolve the issue.
12. Speak with A Therapist or Counselor
If you’re struggling to deal with the situation on your own and it’s someone you care about, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor.
They will be able to help you both manage your emotions and give you some tools to deal with the situation.
13. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best solution is to just walk away.
If someone is constantly blaming you and nothing you do seems to make a difference, it might be time to cut ties.
This doesn’t mean you have to completely end the relationship. You might just need some space from this person for a while.
Just be brave enough to walk away and put some space between the two of you.
14. Work on Your Self-Esteem
If someone is constantly blaming you, it can take a toll on your self-esteem.
On the flip side, if you have low self-esteem you’re more likely to be in a position where you accept being blamed for things that aren’t your fault.
So, it’s important to work on building up your confidence and self-worth and not get trapped in a vicious circle of being beat down.
Spend some time focusing on the things you’re proud of about yourself.
Make a list of all the things you love about yourself, both inside and out.
And don’t be afraid to give yourself a little credit when things go right!
15. Surround Yourself with Good People
One of the best things you can do in life is to surround yourself with good people.
People who make you feel good about yourself and who support you.
These people will help to offset the negativity that someone who’s always blaming you brings into your life.
So, if you’re feeling down, reach out to your friends and family and let them know what’s going on.
They’ll be there to help lift you up!
16. Assess Why You’re Being Blamed
If you find yourself in a situation where someone is constantly blaming you, it’s important to take a step back and assess why this might be happening.
Are you being blamed because you’re an easy target?
Or, is there something about your behavior that’s causing the person to react this way?
It’s not always easy to see, but it’s important to try and figure out the root cause of the problem.
17. Don’t Internalize Your Frustration
When someone is always blaming you, it’s easy to start internalizing your frustration.
You might start to believe that there’s something wrong with you or that you deserve the blame.
But, it’s important to remember that this isn’t true!
You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior and you should not feel guilty for their actions.
Keeping your frustrations inside is only going to make you feel worse, so try and find an outlet for them.
18. Find a Way to Remove Yourself from The Situation
If you’re in a situation where someone is always blaming you and you can’t seem to find a way to fix it, sometimes the best solution is to just remove yourself from the situation.
This might mean ending the relationship, moving away, or even changing jobs.
It’s not always easy to make such a big change, but as I’ve explained, it’s only going to have a negative impact on your mental health if you do not do something drastic.
Related – Tips for dealing with manipulative relatives.
19. Use It as An Opportunity to Improve Yourself
If someone is always blaming you, it can be easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself.
But, instead of wallowing in self-pity, use this as an opportunity to improve yourself!
Start by looking at the things that the person is constantly accusing you of.
Are they true? If so, work on fixing them.
And even if they’re not true, use this as an opportunity to better yourself.
20. Own Any Blame, but Don’t Hold a Grudge
If you do find yourself in the wrong, it’s important to own up to your mistakes.
Admitting when you’re wrong is a sign of strength, not weakness.
However, once you’ve taken responsibility for your actions, don’t hold a grudge against yourself or the person for blaming you.
Sure, they could have told you in a more productive way than blaming you, but that’s not your concern.
Your concern right now is becoming a better version of yourself every day.
Why Do Some People Always Blame Others?
Now that we’ve gone over some tips on how to deal with someone who always blames you, let’s take a step back and try to understand why some people do this in the first place.
There could be a few reasons:
- They’re insecure and need to put others down to feel better about themselves
- They’re trying to deflect responsibility from themselves
- They’re passive-aggressive and use blame as a way to manipulate others
- They’re simply unpleasant people who enjoy making others feel bad
Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that even if you’ve done something wrong, being blamed is not the right course of action.
It’s not productive and it doesn’t solve anything.
You need someone to come to you with the problem, and ideally a solution, and be open to you discussing the best way to solve that issue.
And if you’re being blamed for things that you’ve not done, that’s another issue altogether.
When someone blames you for something that they know is not your fault, it’s a sign of a toxic person.
You need to protect yourself from these types of people, and the best way to do that is by removing yourself from the situation and using the tips covered above.
Image credits – Photo by Barney Yau on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.