If a guy at work flirts with you but he has a girlfriend, you’re right to be confused and a little cautious.
Is he trying to lead you on?
Does he really like you or is he just being nice?
Should you stop talking and flirting with him?
I’m here to help answer these questions for you and more!
Here are some of the things you should be asking yourself and considering if a guy at work is in a relationship but getting a little too close:
Guy at Work Flirts With Me But Has a Girlfriend
First of all, workplace flirting is super common – whether someone has a girlfriend/boyfriend or not.
There is something about working closely or being in the same building as someone all day every day that brings people close together.
But when you have a partner at home, obviously it’s not fair to be flirting and taking things too far.
If a guy has been flirting with you and you know he has a girlfriend, here are some of the things I would take a close look at:
How Much Is He Flirting?
Some people say any flirting is wrong, but the reality is that there is a big difference between playful jokes and getting a little touchy-feely.
How often is he flirting with you and does he cross any lines that make you feel uncomfortable?
Related – Tips for asking a coworker out without making it super awkward.
Does He Flirt with Everyone?
It’s also worth considering whether he flirts with everyone or just you.
If he flirts with other people, it’s probably just his way of relating to people in general.
However, if he’s only flirting with you, it could indicate that he has feelings for you and wants to see how you react.
How Did You Find out He Has a Girlfriend?
How you found out this guy had a girlfriend says a lot about what his intentions might be.
Did he come out and tell you? Or, did someone else tell you and it’s come as a complete surprise?
These are all things to consider when deciding how to react and whether or not he’s being sneaky.
Does He Talk Openly About His Girlfriend?
If he is open with you about his relationship and still flirts, it could be a sign that he’s just being friendly.
But if he’s still secretive and doesn’t mention his partner at all, it’s usually a sign that a guy is up to something.
Do You Get a Bad Feeling About Him?
Something I always rely on when it comes to this kind of situation is my gut feeling.
If something doesn’t feel quite right and you get a bad feeling when you’re around him, it’s usually a sign that you should be cautious.
At the end of the day, if he has a girlfriend it’s probably best if you distance yourself from him if he’s flirting.
Even if he’s being open and honest about his relationship, it’s just likely to end badly and isn’t something you want affecting your working relationships.
How to Tell a Coworker to Stop Flirting with You
It’s not an easy conversation to have to tell a coworker that you don’t want him flirting with you, but it’s for the best.
You need to take a look at your own individual situation and how you think this guy will react, but you have to say or do something.
I would say something like:
- “I know you have a girlfriend and I respect that, but I’m not comfortable with this kind of behavior. Can we just keep things professional and friendly in the office? I think that would be best for both of us.”
- “I don’t think your girlfriend would like it if she knew you were flirting with me, would she?”
- “It’s getting a bit awkward flirting in front of the others around here, we should wind it in. Plus, you have a girlfriend anyway so it’s not really appropriate!”
No matter how you decide to approach this situation, make sure you say something and are firm about it.
Related – Is it harassment if a coworker keeps asking you out? (Explained)
If in Doubt, Put Yourself in Her Shoes
Finally, I just want to add that if you’re doubting whether or not you should say something, put yourself in the girlfriend’s position.
If it was your man flirting with someone else, how would you feel?
Think about that and be honest with yourself.
If your gut feeling is telling you that this isn’t right, then take action and say something.
There are two wrinkles to this situation; the fact that he has a girlfriend and also that he’s flirting with you at work.
The fact that he’s flirting at work is usually reason enough to put a stop to his antics.
It doesn’t look good if other coworkers are noticing that he’s flirting and it’s probably distracting you (and him) from your work.
On top of that, it’s not appropriate as he has a girlfriend and is playing with your emotions.
It’s him that is in the wrong, don’t be hard on yourself. But you have a role to play in asking him to stop flirting with you.
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-young-attractive-colleagues-paper-cups
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.