It’s a common moral dilemma; “Should I go through his phone if I suspect he’s cheating or hiding something?”
This is a tough question to answer.
With hindsight, you could say it was the right thing to do if you discovered he was cheating on you.
But if you don’t find anything, it’s a huge breach of trust and he might never forgive you if he finds out!
Here is a look at the pros and cons of going through your partner’s phone:
Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Go Through His Phone
There are a lot more reasons why you shouldn’t go through your partner’s phone than they are as to why you should.
In fact, a lot of people think there are no reasons or situations where it’s OK to do so.
The main reasons why you should never go through your partner’s phone, even if you suspect they’re up to something, are:
It’s a Huge Betrayal of Their Trust
This is the most obvious reason why you shouldn’t go snooping through your partner’s phone.
You’re essentially saying that you don’t trust them and think they’re cheating or up to something else, which is a huge betrayal of trust.
Trust is everything in a relationship and if they find out you’ve been snooping, it could ruin your relationship as they’ll feel like you don’t trust or respect them.
This is why it could backfire in a big way if you don’t find what you’re looking for.
It Shows You’re Doubting Your Relationship
Another reason why going through your partner’s phone is a bad idea is because it shows that you’re doubting your relationship.
If you love and trust your partner, you shouldn’t need to go through their phone as you should know that they’re not doing anything behind your back.
Maybe you should ask yourself why you feel the need to check their phone first, and what might happen if you get caught second.
It Signifies You’re Willing to Cross a Line
A lot of people see going through their partner’s phone as a line that should never be crossed.
It signifies that you’re willing to invade their privacy, and will make them – and maybe you – wonder what else you’re capable of.
Once you cross this line there is no going back, and if you don’t find what you’re looking for are you going to go further?
Maybe you’ll start following him around or checking his emails? It’s a slippery slope when you’ve lost trust in your partner.
You Might Misinterpret Something You See
This is another reason why it’s never a good idea to snoop around behind someone’s back, and it’s resulted in many misunderstandings that could have been avoided.
When you’re hurriedly looking through your partner’s conversations you could easily read something innocent and jump to the wrong conclusion.
Context is everything when it comes to understanding text messages.
A little misunderstanding could lead to an argument that spirals out of control and reveals that you’ve been snooping through his phone.
When it may be something as innocent as a coworker saying thanks for something work-related, or a family member sending them a nice message.
The Only Time It Is OK to Go Through His Phone
Not everyone will agree with this and that’s fine, but some people think it’s justified to go through your partner’s phone if you find some evidence that they’re cheating.
But obviously, this is a difficult call because if you’re sure they’re cheating then it may be the right thing to do, but if you’re not right then snooping through their phone is wrong.
You should think long and hard about this one before you make a decision, and try to talk to your partner about your suspicions first.
But if you do go through their phone and find evidence that they are cheating then you have every right to be upset and confront them about it.
Why It’s Always Going to Be a Lose-Lose Situation
There are so many reasons why going through your partner’s phone is a bad idea, and not many good ones.
You’re betraying their trust, showing that you’re doubting your relationship, and invading their privacy to name just three.
There’s also a chance you could misinterpret something or get caught, and it’s always going to be a lose-lose situation.
Even if you find evidence that they’ve been cheating, you have to explain why you were looking through their phone and that’s just going to give them ammo to come back at you.
They’ll start questioning what else you’ve done behind their back, and might even suggest that you’re as guilty as they are!
Should I Go Through His Phone?
I’ll leave you by saying that I’m swaying more towards no than I am yes.
Going through your boyfriend’s or husband’s phone is ultimately a lose-lose situation that will only end in arguments and mistrust, so it’s not worth the risk.
If you have suspicions about your partner then talk to them openly and honestly, as snooping around behind their back is not the right way to go about it.
If in doubt, just ask yourself how you’d feel if your partner was snooping through your phone.
Doesn’t feel good, does it?
Even if you’ve got nothing to hide, it still doesn’t feel good to know they’re reading your private messages with friends and whatever else you have on your phone.
In a trusting relationship, you should be able to leave your phone unlocked and leave the room and not even think for a minute your partner is going to go through it.
If you can’t do that, that’s something you should bring up and talk about with your partner – not whether or not you should be going through their phone.
Image credits – Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.