“My wife is gaining weight on purpose, I think she wants me to be the one to break off the marriage,” a friend told me recently.
This was the first time I’d heard of and seen someone gaining weight on purpose as a way out of a relationship, but he was right.
They split up shortly after.
If you think your wife or partner is gaining weight on purpose and you’re searching for answers, I hope sharing my friend’s story will help you better understand your own situation and how you might handle it.
Why Would Your Wife Be Gaining Weight on Purpose?
There are a few reasons your wife might choose to gain weight, most revolve around either the fact that she’s dealing with some emotional/mental issues, or she’s looking for a way out of the marriage.
For example, some women feel that they need to be perfect wives and mothers, and when they can’t live up to those ideals, they become depressed.
If she is depressed, your wife may be using food as a way to cope with her depression and anxiety.
So, while this may look like a deliberate form of self-sabotage, it’s not entirely fair to see her weight gain as a deliberate act.
Another possibility is that your wife is no longer attracted to you and she’s hoping that by gaining weight, you’ll be the one to end the relationship.
This way, she doesn’t have to be the “bad guy.”
Or, comfort eating might just be her way of dealing with the anguish of knowing her marriage is coming to an end and the weight gain is an obvious by-product.
My friend was confused for many months as to why his wife was gaining weight as she was hesitant to talk about it.
But when she did open up, she simply said that she wanted him to be less attracted to her and to leave her alone, and ultimately break up with him.
So, while this is certainly a drastic course of action to take, I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes and can’t discount it as a reason.
Related – Does your husband want to fatten you up? Read this!
Is Weight Gain a Reason for Divorce?
Under ‘normal’ circumstances, a supportive spouse should be there to help their other half through any weight gain struggles.
It’s when one spouse either puts on weight deliberately or gains a large amount of weight and the physical attraction is no longer there that it becomes grounds for divorce.
So, weight gain can be grounds or a reason for divorce, yes.
The HuffPost covered this topic by asking their followers if they thought a spouse’s weight gain was a legitimate grounds for divorce.
The responses were varied, of course, but there was no doubt that the change in physical attraction was not far from most of their reader’s minds and they did see it as grounds for divorce.
At the end of the day, if you no longer find your partner attractive due to how much weight they’ve gained and it looks like they have no intention of doing anything about it, it’s hard to see how long things are going to last.
Is There Hope for Your Relationship?
If you’re struggling with the fact that your wife is gaining weight, whether you know it’s on purpose or not, it’s important to have a conversation with her about it.
There are usually underlying reasons for this sort of behavior and if you can get to the root of the problem, you may be able to find a way to work through it together.
If your wife refuses to talk about it or she’s clearly not interested in trying to lose the weight, then you need to decide if you can live with her attitude towards this or not.
It’s a difficult decision to make, but if her weight gain is affecting your relationship in a negative way, you may need to consider divorce.
It’s Not Just About Weight
There will always be some people who will point the finger and say you shouldn’t quit on a marriage because one spouse gains weight.
But this is really just what people can see on the surface.
As I’ve explained, there are almost always underlying reasons and issues that cause one person to gain a lot of weight, especially if it’s on purpose.
I’m saying this because if your marriage isn’t going well, I don’t want you to get hung up on the weight issue entirely.
If you’re searching for answers, or maybe you just want the best for your partner, you need to look at the root cause of any weight gain.
It’s not always about the weight itself.
In fact, it rarely is.
I hope this has helped to explain things a bit better and gives you some clarity on what to do next!
Image credits – Photo by AllGo – An App For Plus Size People
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.