I miss the woman I had an affair with, will the pain and feelings of missing her ever go away?
The short answer is, no – the feelings of missing the woman you had an affair with might never go away.
But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean you can’t lessen the feelings and move on with a fulfilling relationship.
I Miss the Woman I Had an Affair With – What to Do Now?
If you miss the woman you had an affair with – your ex-mistress – this is perfectly normal and not something you should be hard on yourself about.
Your feelings are a natural reaction to losing something you had and possibly loved, and it will take time for those raw emotions to dissipate.
Time is going to help, I can guarantee that, but if you’re struggling with your feelings you’re going to need to do more than just wait.
Related – Signs your affair parter will come back.
How Do I Get Over an Affair with Another Woman?
Some of the things you can do to lessen the intensity of your feelings of missing your ex-mistress and move on with your life are:
- Acknowledge your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Have you taken the time to really think about how you feel and ask yourself why?
- Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. This is huge, but it’s often not possible due to the secrecy of affairs.
- Write about your emotions in a journal. Journaling is nowhere near as popular as it used to be, but it’s still an effective healing tool and I can’t recommend it enough.
- Stay busy and distracted with work, hobbies, and social activities. I’m not suggesting you park your emotions, but if you occupy yourself instead of dwelling on your feelings it’ll help.
- Avoid places and things that remind you of your ex-mistress. Try to create a whole new environment if you’re trying to move on, the fewer reminders of her the better.
- Seek professional help if you’re struggling to cope. This is the step most people just won’t take, yet it’s the most likely to give you positive results.
If you find yourself missing the woman you had an affair with, it’s important to be gentle with yourself, take your time, and be patient.
These feelings are a natural reaction to loss, but with some self-care and understanding, you will eventually be able to move on.
How Long Will It Take to Get Over Your Mistress?
This is a question I’m often asked, and the answer is different for everyone.
There’s no set time frame for grieving the loss of an affair, and it’s important to go at your own pace.
Some people find they can move on quickly, while others might struggle for months or even years.
If you’re struggling to come to terms with your feelings, seeking professional help can be a big help.
A therapist can provide support and guidance as you work through your emotions and learn to accept the loss.
The next best thing is talking to a trusted friend. I know you might want to keep the fact that you had an affair secret, but if you can tell one person it will help.
I can promise you that it’s going to get easier over time, especially if you’re taking other steps to heal yourself.
Should You Contact Your Ex-Mistress?
This is another question that I can’t answer on your behalf as it depends on your individual situation.
There’s no right or wrong answer, and you need to do what feels right for you.
Some people find that they can move on more quickly if they have closure with their ex-mistress, while others find that it’s best to just let go and move on.
Only you can decide what’s right for you, so take some time to think about it before you make any decisions.
Is It Guilt You’re Feeling?
It’s not uncommon to feel guilty after an affair, even if it ended the best way possible and no one got hurt as far as you can tell.
In fact, the feeling you’re experiencing of missing your mistress might be guilt and this is something you need to explore.
Some of the signs that it might be guilt you’re feeling are:
- It feels like you’re carrying a huge weight on your shoulders keeping it a secret.
- You can’t stop thinking about how it would affect her partner and yours if they found out.
- You feel like you need to confess to your current partner or someone else.
- You’re beating yourself up for what you did and can’t seem to come to terms with what happened.
If you find yourself feeling guilty, it’s important to talk to someone about it.
If the affair is over, it’s often not the right thing to do to spill the beans and tell your and/or your ex-mistress partner.
There is an argument for being honest, of course, and I’m not going to tell you what to do.
But if you’re struggling with guilt, it’s something you need to work through on your own or with the help of someone else or it’s not going to go away.
Image credits – Photo by John Mark Arnold on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.