Are you trying to figure out how to detach your husband from his mother?
If your husband is a ‘mommy’s boy’ or still hanging off his mother’s apron strings and not thinking for himself – it’s going to harm your marriage.
Having a healthy relationship with his mother is fine, you don’t want him to cut off all ties.
But it’s about finding that healthy balance where his mother is there for him but he’s able to think for himself!
How to Detach Your Husband From His Mother – 10 Tips!
1. Make Him See how She’s Affecting the Relationship
The first step is to make your husband see how his mother’s influence is negatively affecting your relationship.
This can be done by calmly and rationally talking to him about it, or by showing him through your actions that you’re unhappy.
Make sure not to attack his character or accuse him of anything, as this will only make him defensive, and absolutely never blame his mom.
If he can see how much of an impact his reliance on his mother is having on you and the relationship it should at least spark something inside of him.
2. Set Some Healthy Boundaries with Your Mother-In-Law
If your husband is still close with his mother it’s important to set some healthy boundaries, so that she doesn’t start to think she can control your relationship too.
A good way to do this is by setting boundaries with how much she can be involved in your life, such as not coming over unannounced or always being invited to events.
It’s also important to have some time for just you and your husband, without his mother.
Don’t try to put a wedge in between your husband and his mom and that might have the opposite effect, just start with boundaries that make you happier.
3. Don’t Give Him an Ultimatum
While it’s important to make your feelings known, giving your husband an ultimatum is only going to make things worse.
Remember, there is a strong emotional bond with his mother and he might end up choosing her if he’s really under her influence!
Avoid saying things like “It’s either her or me” as this will make him feel like he has to choose, and no one wants to be put in that position.
Instead, try to work on things together and find a compromise that works for both of you.
4. Don’t Try and Compete with His Mother
Trying to compete with his mother is only going to make things worse and put even more of a strain on your relationship.
It’s important to accept that she’s probably always going to be a big part of his life, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing once she knows her boundaries.
The best thing you can do is build a strong relationship with her yourself, and try to be the best wife you can be.
Over time you’ll get your husband to see that he needs to make better decisions for you and your relationship.
5. Talk with Your Mother-In-Law About It
If you have a good enough relationship with your mother-in-law where you’re able to talk openly with her, then it’s worth talking to her about the situation.
She might not even be aware of how much her influence is affecting your relationship, and a talk might be all that’s needed to get her to back off a bit.
It’s important to be respectful and not try to attack her character. Instead, focus on how her actions are negatively impacting your relationship.
6. Tell Him to Speak with His Mother About It
If you’re not able to talk with your mother-in-law about the situation, then you can try and get your husband to speak with her instead.
Also, he might be more successful in getting her to back off if he’s the one who talks to her about it.
Again, it’s a difficult conversation to have and she may feel like she’s been attacked or pushed out of your relationship, and that’s the last thing you want.
But you have to find a way to make her see how her grip over your husband is impacting your relationship or things just aren’t going to improve.
7. Encourage Him to Be More Independent
One of the best things you can do is encourage your husband to be more independent and make his own decisions, without always deferring to his mother.
This is easier said than done, but it’s important to try and make him see that he’s an adult and capable of making his own decisions.
She’s always going to be his mother, but he’s also your husband who is an adult and should be making decisions for himself and his family without needing his mom.
If he can find his independence I’m sure he’ll enjoy the liberating feeling and naturally pull away from his mother.
8. Take It One Step at A Time
I’m sure you feel anxious and in a hurry to try and detach your husband from his mother a little, but it’s going to take time.
Your husband and his mother have one of the strongest bonds there is, and it’s not going to be easy to break that.
You need to take things one step at a time and focus on making small changes that will have a big impact over time.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is detaching your husband from his mother!
9. Ask Him to Seek Professional Help with You
If you really feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, then it might be time to ask your husband to seek professional help with you.
It could be that he’s facing some sort of emotional issue that he’s not even aware of, and professional help can get to the root of the problem.
It’s a big step to take, but if you’re both committed to working on your relationship then it could be the best thing you ever do.
10. Accept that He Might Never Take a Big Enough Step Back
You need to accept that your husband might never take a big enough step back from his mother in your eyes, and that’s OK.
It doesn’t mean that you’re not a good wife or that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that the bond with his mother is too strong.
You can still have a happy and healthy relationship, even if he’s still a little too close to his mother for your liking!
As long as you’ve managed to bring all of your concerns to his attention and you can see he’s trying to make some changes to be a more attentive husband, this is a great start!
Image credits – Photo by Samia Liamani on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.