Looking for some good comebacks for jerks?
Unfortunately, we all have to deal with jerks from time-to-time. Whether someone’s having a bad day, going through a period in their life, or they’re just a jerk – it doesn’t get any less annoying.
The worst thing you can do is try to fight fire with fire. The best thing you can do is hit them up right back with one of the comebacks in this article.
Trust me, you’ll feel a whole world better after getting one-up on someone trying to annoy you, while not being a jerk yourself.
Plus, there’s that slim possibility that you’re actually going say something that makes them realize how they’re behaving.
But that’s very unlikely It’s mostly about you feeling good about yourself and not letting someone get you down.
Some Good Quick Clean Comebacks for Jerks
- I don’t know whether to laugh or pity you. I’ll take the latter.
- No one told me it was national be a jerk day.
- You can carry on talking to me, it’s fine, but don’t expect me to listen.
- This wouldn’t be the first time someone replied to you by calling you an “idiot” would it?
- Sorry, did you say something? I was distracted by that weird smell that just arrived.
- Has humiliating yourself in public ever stopped you?
- It’s cute when you try to talk all clever, awww.
Some Witty Comebacks
- A thought crossed your mind and you had to share it, huh? I can understand, it’s a rare occurrence.
- You’re sucking up some valuable air space other people could be using.
- I’m more jealous of the people that don’t know you, than those that do.
- Were you talking to me?
- You look like you had to strain to get those words out, did it hurt?
- Maybe if you keep talking we’ll get something of value out of you eventually.
- Never be ashamed of who you are. Even if your parents are.
Some Funny Comebacks
- I know all I have to do is throw a stick to make you run away. Want to go fetch me a stick?
- You’re not one to let the truth get in the way of a good story, are you?
- You’re as practical as a chocolate teapot.
- You’re as useful as an underwater hairdryer.
- I’d give you a nasty look, but apparently you already have one.
- Hmm, your lips are moving, but I don’t hear anything.
- If you hear clapping when you enter a room, it’s people’s hands covering their ears and eyes.
Some Mean(ish) Comebacks
- Do you hear that? It’s the sound of silence because this conversation is over.
- I have a fun game we can play, it’s called dodging traffic. You go first.
- If you’re going to be so two-faced, at least show me one I can look at.
- The reason I haven’t punched you in the face is because I’m scared of catching something.
- Have you ever questioned why nobody likes you?
- I’m not sure you even have a high enough IQ for me to insult you.
- Did you forget to shower this morning?
It can be hard thinking on your feet when faced with a jerk who likes to try and belittle, insult, and annoy people.
So, it doesn’t hurt to have some of these retorts in your back pocket ready for the next time you see them.
You’ll often find it’s them who then can’t think on their feet. It’s a bully mentality, they don’t like it when it comes back around at them.
Just remember. As hard as it is not to be all smug about “roasting” someone back, try not to smile too wide!
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
17 thoughts on “28 Good Comebacks for Jerks That Work!”
(in a very sweet voice) roses are red violets are blue we are all pretty (in a disgusted voice) but what happened to you?
Dear Mr. Phil Ashton,
November 5, 2021
Absolutely Great 15/10, And I Have One That Works On Any Insult And I’m Not Sure If You’d Like To Add It Anyways, Here It Is! “I Would Make A Pledge To Never See Your Ugly Face Again But Then You’d Show Up With The Other One Even Uglier” It’s A Good Thing To Embarrass The Jerk And They’ll Probably Leave You Alone For Awhile,Anyways Thanks For Reading.
“I Would Make A Pledge To Never See Your Face Again But Because Your Two-Faced The Other One Will Walk Up Even Uglier!” That’s What I Use
” Sir/Ma’am Please May I Ask What That Smell Is That Just Arrived? It Smells This Way, ” -Points At The Jerk- That’s Mine
The bully : You are so ugly .
Me : At least yours can come of with Vaseline
I am trying so hard not to laugh in your goddamn hideous face
If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch, because it’s gonna be a while.
Bully(girl):Omg Your so ugly
Me: at least I don’t wear so much mascara it could choke a whale! (Or) You do realize makeup isn’t going to fix your stupidity?
Bully(boy):BRUH U UGLY
Me: I’d tell you how I really feel, but I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to express myself in this case. (Or) You’re so ugly, you don’t even get dates on a calendar.
Bully(gender fluent): Omg bruh you so ugly ewww
Me: Awesome ends with me and ugly starts with you (Or) You must be the arithmetic person; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
This is what I use and I’m 12 and they work pretty well
(Me)”You cant be talking, your the reason the McDonalds ice cream machine is always broken”
these are brutal but funny.
Bully: Your Stupid
Me: You should not talk like that, your the reason our school is like Degrassi!
love it and it worked
dont be embarressed of your self thats your parents job
hi im a human being wat r u?
these comebacks are amazing they helped me get though high school
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ”
“Ur so dumb you got hit by a parked car”
“Mirrors can’t talk and lucky for u they can’t laugh either?
“The zoo called. They want their hippo back”
“Ur so ugly u make onions cry”
“Ur so fat Thanos had to clap to get rid of you”
Ur the reason bathrooms need “DO NOT SWIM” signs
Ur so fat that when you got on the scales it said “I need your weight, not your phone number”
If laughter is the best medicine, ur face must be curing the world.
Ur so old when u left the museum, the alarm went off
You’re so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
You are so poor that you lose weight when you pick up your wallet.
*If someone says did I ask, just say “I doubt your parents asked for you yet here we are”
And here’s one for someone with white or really blonde hair
“Ur grandma called. She wants her hair color back.
Yeh thats all i got for now but I might give some new ones later.
Heres one more. Pls upload the ones you think are good to your list. Thanks for reading.
“You’re so ugly when you looked at the mirror your reflection looked away”