Looking for some good comebacks for jerks?
Unfortunately, we all have to deal with jerks from time-to-time. Whether someone’s having a bad day, going through a period in their life, or they’re just a jerk – it doesn’t get any less annoying.
The worst thing you can do is try to fight fire with fire. The best thing you can do is hit them up right back with one of the comebacks in this article.
Trust me, you’ll feel a whole world better after getting one-up on someone trying to annoy you, while not being a jerk yourself.
Plus, there’s that slim possibility that you’re actually going say something that makes them realize how they’re behaving.
But that’s very unlikely It’s mostly about you feeling good about yourself and not letting someone get you down.
Some Good Quick Clean Comebacks for Jerks
- I don’t know whether to laugh or pity you. I’ll take the latter.
- No one told me it was national be a jerk day.
- You can carry on talking to me, it’s fine, but don’t expect me to listen.
- This wouldn’t be the first time someone replied to you by calling you an “idiot” would it?
- Sorry, did you say something? I was distracted by that weird smell that just arrived.
- Has humiliating yourself in public ever stopped you?
- It’s cute when you try to talk all clever, awww.
Some Witty Comebacks
- A thought crossed your mind and you had to share it, huh? I can understand, it’s a rare occurrence.
- You’re sucking up some valuable air space other people could be using.
- I’m more jealous of the people that don’t know you, than those that do.
- Were you talking to me?
- You look like you had to strain to get those words out, did it hurt?
- Maybe if you keep talking we’ll get something of value out of you eventually.
- Never be ashamed of who you are. Even if your parents are.
Some Funny Comebacks
- I know all I have to do is throw a stick to make you run away. Want to go fetch me a stick?
- You’re not one to let the truth get in the way of a good story, are you?
- You’re as practical as a chocolate teapot.
- You’re as useful as an underwater hairdryer.
- I’d give you a nasty look, but apparently you already have one.
- Hmm, your lips are moving, but I don’t hear anything.
- If you hear clapping when you enter a room, it’s people’s hands covering their ears and eyes.
Some Mean(ish) Comebacks
- Do you hear that? It’s the sound of silence because this conversation is over.
- I have a fun game we can play, it’s called dodging traffic. You go first.
- If you’re going to be so two-faced, at least show me one I can look at.
- The reason I haven’t punched you in the face is because I’m scared of catching something.
- Have you ever questioned why nobody likes you?
- I’m not sure you even have a high enough IQ for me to insult you.
- Did you forget to shower this morning?
It can be hard thinking on your feet when faced with a jerk who likes to try and belittle, insult, and annoy people.
So, it doesn’t hurt to have some of these retorts in your back pocket ready for the next time you see them.
You’ll often find it’s them who then can’t think on their feet. It’s a bully mentality, they don’t like it when it comes back around at them.
Just remember. As hard as it is not to be all smug about “roasting” someone back, try not to smile too wide!
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.