ESFJ personality types make up around 12% of the population. It’s one of the more common personality types, so if while you’re reading this you are thinking, ‘this sounds like me’, I wouldn’t be surprised.
When it comes to ESFJ relationships, this is one of the areas where they flourish. In their school years, they are the cheerleaders, jocks, popular ones, and are not short of friends.
Growing up to be responsible and reliable adults. They are gregarious and charismatic, so forming relationships with the opposite sex, friends, or strong family bonds comes fairly natural to an ESFJ.
You won’t be able to discuss the latest in world politics, or work through any challenging theories. ESFJs are more at home talking about the latest is fashion tips and TV shows. But that’s rarely out of place at a mix and mingle.
Another quality that warms them to form good relationships is their willingness to always be helpful to others. They do like to be shown they are being appreciated, and when reciprocated they will be happy and try harder.
They usually stand out in the crowd. They are the one’s at the party with a group of people around them listening to their stories or jokes. They really do enjoy good friendship, and give back more then the receive.
ESFJ Personality Traits
Looking at ESFJ personality traits, their top traits include;
- Being gregarious and fun.
- Forming strong relationships with others.
- Being a little self-obsessed with their looks and style.
- Interested in what others think of them.
Something they struggle with is accepting what other people think of them. They can be sensitive to what other’s say and think of them.
Learning to look past this and be the natural-born leaders they are supposed to be is a good way to deal with this. Their skin thickens over the years, they are good at adapting and developing themselves.
Let’s take a look at the strengths that make ESFJs stand out from the crowd;
Always Loyal and Trustworthy
I think you will agree, loyal and trustworthy are two very good qualities to have. ESFJs have these in bunches. Whether it’s in their friendships, careers, or with family. They are not the type of personalities to let people down.
Sensitive and Caring
They care about what other people are thinking and feeling. Not wanting to offend others, and often taking a hit to save someone else from doing so.
Forms Strong Relationships
ESFJs are social butterflies. They have a strong desire to fit in and be liked by people, which often brings out the best in them. They are the people you want to get the parties started and bring some life to the night.
Communication is the cornerstone of most that is important. Being able to communicate well sets someone up for good personal and career success. They are good for a listening ear, just as they are carrying a conversation.
Strong Practical Skill Set
ESFJ personalities are really good at managing day to day tasks with a practical hands-on skill set. This falls into their wheelhouse of looking after those close to them, helping them and always being reliable when needed.
It’s always good to be aware of what the weaknesses to being an ESFJ personality type are. Especially if you are looking at ESFJ relationships and how they interact with others. Here are the most notable weaknesses;
Too Selfless at Times
It’s common for an ESFJ to be too selfless. This can be very frustration for others, and cause some areas for arguments. They will often neglect their own needs in the process, which has some obvious drawbacks.
Too Clingy and Needy
Being the life and soul of the party comes with some downsides. They can be a bit too clingy and needy when it comes to social approval. This can overwhelm others and push people away.
You have to watch what you say around them. They can take criticism to heart and become offended when it was never your intention. They can hold a grudge and a previous happy friendship can go south quickly.
Being inflexible can really hold a person back. They can be very inflexible, especially in social situations. When they believe in something, they can be incredibly stubborn sticking to what they believe.
Overly Concerned about Appearance and Social Standing
ESFJs can get too caught up in their own appearances and social appearance. It’s ok to look after one’s appearance and look their best. But they take this a step further than most, often being anxious about what they look like, and what other people are thinking.
Resistant to Change
They stick firmly in this own comfort zones and do not like the suggestion of change. They are much more at home just doing as they always do, and certainly are not known for being spontaneous.
ESFJ Relationships with Others
With their need for social approval and wanting to help others, ESFJs relationships with others takes a special place in their lives. They are incredibly loyal and committed in relationships, and will often go that extra mile just to impress someone.
They don’t do one night stands or casual flings. If it’s a romantic relationship, it’s important to them to build on it. They see marriage as their end goal, with the commitment and understanding that comes with this.
So dating is a serious business. If you are, or know any ESFJs you will be well aware of this. As mentioned earlier they are selfless and giving, and bring a lot to a relationship.
This can set them up for disappointment. As anyone with experience will know, diving feet first into relationships is a risky business. But it’s a risk they feel is worth taking.
Expect a warm, loving, loyal and caring partner on a romantic level. On a friendship level you can expect a loyal, trusting and reliable friend. Outstanding characteristics for forming a strong relationship, and an area that is well within their strengths.
Partners that share these traits will be perfect matches, as a lot of these emotions are shared. They bounce off other people and learn as they go as opposed to being innovative and spontaneous themselves.
Do ESFJs Make Good Friends
When it comes to looking at what kind of friends ESFJs make – it’s great, caring, and thoughtful friends. They are always trying to prove themselves, and in groups of people will try harder than others to stand out.
It’s a trait of their personality to be as loyal as a pet. Never doubting or losing faith in their friends. They will defend their friends and do so to receive the same in return. Being sensitive souls they can fall out with people over small and meaningless things, but this can be worked through.
They can be involved in strange dynamics with groups of people. But their intention to come across as loyal and a good friend is all done with good intentions.
In a nutshell, ESFJs are the type of people you want as friends. Too many of this personality type can become overpowering, but all their qualities lean towards being a great friend.
Do ESFJs Make Good Parents
With the warm and caring nature, ESFJs make great parents. They are known for being firm but fair. Establishing a rule set and sticking to it, but always having their children’s best interests at heart.
With a strong emphasis on lasting relationships and marriage, children is often a natural conclusion. Their helpful traits make them giving and involved parents, being involved in all areas of the child’s development.
If there is a fault, it’s that they can be overly protective and wrap up their children in cotton wool. But at the same time, their offspring learn a lot from their outgoing and social attitude, being outgoing and confident themselves.
They dread the day when their children leave the home and go it alone as adults. Trying to parent them while they are adults, and continuing to be as helpful as possible.
They form a loving relationship with children. Caring and looking after them unconditionally, and always having more to give.
Am I an ESFJ
For a brief outline, ask yourself these questions and see if you find yourself saying ‘yes’;
- Are you selfless and giving to all your friends?
- Do you consider yourself good at communicating?
- Are you overly sensitive to what others say and think about you?
- Do you take a lot of care in your appearance and worry about what others think?
- Are you a little too sensitive and can get defensive to others?
These are just some brief questions. Carry on reading this article to get a better understanding for the ESFJ personality type to see if you are of this personality on the Myers-Briggs type indicator.
ESFJ Career Choices
There are some careers that fit perfectly with the ESFJ personality type. ESFJs are very well organised and at helping others organize their work-spaces and workload.
They like to have orderly and clear work-spaces. With good filing systems, and keeping busy suits them just perfectly. This means careers in administration, secretarial, or some form of people managing is within their skillset.
They also score highly on finance and accounting. Using their methodical and orderly approach to work the numbers. They work better with other people, using their social skills to get the job done easier and quicker in a team.
Going back to how they look for approval from others, receiving feedback and seeing the fruits of their labor gives them a great feeling of satisfaction. So careers that are goal or bonus driven will bring out the best in them.
Whatever career they find themselves in. They are valuable team members, they enjoy working and helping others, and are known to not let their co-workers down.
With few personality types being more loyal and caring when it comes to relationships. I have ESFJ relationships as strong, dependable, and very fulfilling for both parties.
Sure, their kindness can be taken advantage of at times, or taken for granted. But when it comes to romantic relationships, they can teach others a lot about how to impress and keep the opposite sex interested.
Overall, if you find you are an ESFJ you have a lot of strengths work leveraging. With some weaknesses that can easily be worked on to minimize. You have a lot to offer people in your life, so be proud and give your best.
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.