I’ve been in a situation where a coworker makes me feel incompetent, so I know how you’re feeling.
It was demoralizing, embarrassing, and it made me question if I was good enough to do my job.
But what I realized was that this coworker was projecting their own insecurities and incompetence on me – plus their attitude wasn’t helping anyone.
In this article, I’m going to list the signs a coworker will try and make you feel incompetent and how you should handle it!
Coworker Makes Me Feel Incompetent! (10 Signs and What to Do)
1. They Keep Checking Your Work Even Though They’re Not Your Superior
Nothing is going to make you feel more incompetent than having a coworker always checking your work and trying to nitpick at it.
This is even more infuriating when said coworker has no authority or seniority over you and has no place checking your work.
This is one of the clearest cases of a coworker being nosey, overstepping their boundaries, and trying to make you feel incompetent.
How to handle this:
There are two things you can do, and you may want to do both of these.
The first is to speak with them directly and tell them they have no place checking your work and you don’t want them doing so.
The second is to report their behavior to their manager. Any manager worth their role will put a stop to this.
Related – Here are more tips on how to deal with a nitpicking, nosy coworker!
2. They Keep Questioning Things You Do or Say
This is another way a coworker will try and make you feel incompetent – by constantly questioning everything you do or say.
This could be things like why you’re doing something a certain way, what your qualifications are for saying something, or whether you’re sure about what you’re saying.
Again, this comes down to them being nosey and wanting to make you feel inferior to them.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with this is simply to answer their questions calmly and confidently.
If they keep asking questions, then you can politely say that you’re busy and don’t have time to answer any more questions.
If they’re asking something that they have no place doing so, you could simply tell them it’s nothing to do with them, too.
3. They Are Argumentative With You
Another way a coworker will try and make you feel incompetent is by being argumentative with you and trying to impose their will.
This could be about anything – from how you’re doing your job, to what you had for lunch.
They might try and argue with you about something even if they know they’re wrong, just to try and make you feel inferior by not backing down.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with an argumentative coworker is to simply not engage with them.
Don’t rise to their bait and don’t get drawn into an argument.
If they’re constantly trying to start arguments with you, then you could talk to their manager about it.
4. They Are Generally Rude to You
Rude coworkers really are toxic and can change the whole dynamic in a close working environment.
If a coworker is constantly being rude to you, it’s likely they’re doing it to try and make you feel incompetent in some way.
Rude comments, snide remarks, and general unprofessionalism are all signs that a coworker is trying to make you feel bad about yourself and them better about themselves.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with a rude coworker is to call them out on their behavior.
If this doesn’t make them change their ways, you have no choice but to distance yourself from them.
The important thing is that you’re not letting their attitude affect you or your work, which is what they want to happen.
5. They Ignore You
This is another rude behavior that shows a coworker has an issue with you, and is likely trying to make you feel inferior or less important than them.
When a coworker ignores you, they’re essentially trying to give you the silent treatment and make you feel like you don’t exist.
This is a very childish way of behaving, but unfortunately, some people never grow out of it.
How to handle this:
The best way to handle this is to simply not let it bother you.
If a coworker is ignoring you, then they’re the one with the problem, not you.
You shouldn’t let their behavior affect you or make you feel bad about yourself.
6. They Make Jokes About You
This is another way a coworker might try and make you feel incompetent – by making jokes about you being incompetent.
Obviously, this kind of humor isn’t funny, even if other coworkers are laughing and joking along with them.
It’s a form of workplace bullying and shows you that your coworker has some serious issues of their own.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with this is to talk to your coworker about it in a calm and assertive manner.
Tell them that their jokes are not funny and that you don’t appreciate them making fun of you.
If they continue to do so, you may need to speak to their manager about the situation.
Workplace bullying is never acceptable and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.
7. They Never Ask for Your Help or Opinion
Another way a coworker might try and make you feel like you don’t have anything to offer is by never asking for your help or opinion – even when they need it.
They might act like they know everything and that they don’t need your input when in reality, they’re struggling and just trying to make you feel incompetent.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with this is to just go about your work and not let it bother you.
At the end of the day, they’re only causing themselves harm if they’re passing on your help when they need it.
The truth will come out eventually, you need to be confident in yourself and not let their games bother you.
8. They Withhold Information from You
Of all the toxic and annoying coworker behaviors, this is one of the most frustrating as it can make your job more difficult.
When a coworker withholds information from you, they’re trying to make you feel like you’re not worthy of knowing what’s going on.
They might also be trying to make you look bad by making it seem like you’re not in the loop and deliberately making your job more difficult in the hope that you fail.
How to handle this:
The best way to handle this is to talk to your coworker about it in a calm and assertive manner.
Tell them that you need all the information in order to do your job properly and that withholding information is not acceptable.
If they carry on hiding information, you may need to speak to their manager about the situation.
9. You Catch Them Sabotaging Your Work
This is one of the more serious coworker behaviors that someone trying to make you look incompetent will lower themselves to.
If you catch a coworker sabotaging your work I wouldn’t even speak with them, I’d escalate the issue to their manager.
What this does tell you, however, is that they need to sabotage you to make you look bad because you’re doing a good job and intimidating them.
How to handle this:
The best way to deal with this is to speak to your coworker’s manager about the situation.
Show them the evidence of what’s been going on and let them deal with it.
You should also keep a record of any future incidents in case you need to take further action and involve HR or an external body.
10. They Belittle You with Your Other Coworkers
This is another way a coworker might try to make you feel incompetent, by belittling you in front of your other coworkers.
They might do this by making snide comments or outright telling people that you’re not good at your job.
Whatever they’re doing, it’s hurtful and is their attempt to damage your confidence and self-esteem because they have an issue with you.
How to handle this:
The best way to handle this is to talk to your coworker about it in a calm and assertive manner.
Tell them that their comments are not acceptable and that you don’t appreciate them making fun of you.
If they continue to make similar comments you should escalate the issue and get a stop put to it by using the correct channels within your organization.
Related – Tips for dealing with rude coworkers who keep poking their noses into your business!
Why Does Your Coworker Try and Make You Feel Incompetent?
Now that you know how to deal with a coworker who’s trying to make you feel incompetent, it’s time to ask yourself why they might be doing it in the first place.
There are a few reasons why someone might try and make you feel like you’re not good enough for your job.
The first possibility is that they’re threatened by you in some way.
You might be doing a better job than them or be in a position of authority that they want.
They might also think that you’re going to get promoted and they’ll be stuck in the same job forever.
Another possibility is that they have a personality disorder that causes them to feel the need to put others down.
They might also get some sort of sick satisfaction from making you feel bad about yourself.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that it’s not about you and that you’re not actually incompetent.
Your coworker is the one with the problem, not you.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re being made to feel incompetent by a coworker, I hope the tips in this article help and give you the confidence to put a stop to it.
Image credits – Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.