We all want to have a fun, fulfilling, and satisfying relationship that is going to last until we grow old together.
Unfortunately, (or fortunately) it just doesn’t always work out that way.
Things always start off well in the beginning, or it wouldn’t have started at all, right?
But this ‘honeymoon’ period can’t last forever, and you start realizing things about your partner. Things that took a while to surface, and the cracks start to show.
There are usually always one or more signs that the relationship isn’t going to work, whether you choose to act on them is up to you.
You have two choices basically. You can either try to work out the problems, and repair the relationship. Or you can agree to disagree and realize you’re just not compatible.
A lot of relationships can be saved. It takes a great deal of work from both parties, some change, compromise, and a deep sense of wanting to change and make things better.
A relationship that isn’t working can be very destructive for both people involved. It can cause mental anguish, stress, and lead on to a lot of mental and physical health problems.
Here are 10 signs that your relationship isn’t working out:
You Start Spending Weekends Apart
We all live busy lives Monday to Friday. Work and other commitments can be a valid excuse for not spending a lot of time together, or being preoccupied. But the weekends are a different story. Unless of course one or both in the relationship works weekends.
Even in long lasting relationships you should go on ‘date nights’ on weekends and enjoy each other’s company. If this has dwindled down to a point of stopping, there is a serious problem. Ask each other why you’re spending less of your free time with each other, see if some home truths come out.
You No Longer Talk When You’re Alone
Remember how excited you were in each other company when you first started dating? I bet you couldn’t talk fast enough, so much to talk about and discuss. Just because you know a lot more about each other now, it doesn’t mean the conversation should have dried up.
If you find you’re no longer talk when you’re eating together, or alone in the car, there is a serious problem. Communication is the heart of any relationship, and you cannot have a successful one without being able to communicate well.
The Romancing Has Stopped
This is quite an alarm going off. Romancing slows down over time, sure. But if it stops altogether there is a serious sign of something not right in the relationship. The romance is often the sign that is’ all but too late to do anything to save the relationship.
Although the romance can be rekindled, and you can find that spark again. Most people find it harder the second time to keep the flame alight, it doesn’t feel the same when it’s forced a little. Romance should be natural, something you think of and want to do because you love your partner.
You Don’t Miss Each Other as Much When You’re Apart
We cannot spend every minute of each day together, and time apart is healthy. However, if you find spending time apart actually makes you feel better, or you don’t miss your partner, this is a bad sign that the relationship is failing.
It doesn’t need to be a Romeo and Juliette moment by any means. But you should feel like something is missing when you’re apart from your life partner. If you don’t feel like you miss them at all, it will feel all too easy to stray away.
You Suspect Your Partner of Cheating
We have all felt in our gut that something is wrong, and a lot of us have seen it prove to be true. Gut instinct is a powerful thing, and often has a way of knowing something is wrong. It might also mean that you are noticing a change in the relationship, a change that things are getting worse.
Start paying attention to your partner and see if they actually are acting different. It’s possible that your partner is in need of attention, it’s not too late to turn things around. This might be the wake-up call that you need, it’s time to start paying attention.
You Start Thinking About Being with Other People
For guys, it can be hard to keep your mind on only your partner, and for both people in a relationship occasional fantasies are normal. But if you are thinking intentionally about being with someone else, this is a sign that you are unhappy in your relationship.
Whether you end up actually making a move towards being with someone else or not. Thinking about it and imagining your life with someone else means you need to address the problems at home.
You Can’t See Yourself Marrying Your Partner
Marriage is the ultimate commitment, it means you are committing yourself to a person for life. Or at least that’s what it should mean, with a divorce rate around 50% nowadays it’s not quite the lifelong commitment it’s intended to be.
Being attracted to someone, or being in love with someone is possible without wanting to marry them. If you don’t want to get married, ask yourself why not. What is it that is stopping you, it’s likely a doubt that you don’t believe in the relationship working out.
You Clash with Your Partner’s Family and Friends
This is not make or break for some people. But for others it is. If there are other forces like religion and traditions, it can be difficult to live happily with someone if you don’t get on with their family and friends.
Pressure from family and friends can put too much pressure on a couple. If there is a lot of conflict between you and their friends and family, you need to think to the future. If it’s always going to be adding stress, and your partner is not supporting you – you may not be able to make the relationship work.
You’re Not Physically Compatible
It’s all too easy to say that love can overcome anything, but the physical attraction needs to be there too. Things change over time, people change appearance, sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident. If you’re not physically attracted to your partner, there won’t be the emotional closeness.
This can be hard to repair. If it’s as simple as one of the people in the relationship has put on a lot of weight, take the time to understand the reasons why. Don’t just immediately leave, but if you feel the distance between you is getting worse all the time you may not be able to repair the relationship.
You Just Don’t Feel Like You Can Make It Work
If your heart is no longer in the relationship and you don’t think you can make it work, you probably can’t. If you have given up emotionally, it’s going to be very difficult to get back to the happy state you once were. Staying in a dying relationship is a very negative place to be.
Sometimes you have invested and given too much of yourself and it’s still not working. You may have some of the components of a relationship, like; lust, love, trust, but there just isn’t the joy and happiness. Take a long hard look at your relationship and talk to your partner, but don’t drag it out if it’s not working for both of you.
There are some harsh truths here. I have no doubt some reading this will have experienced some of these warning signs that their relationship is failing.
I urge you to confront the issues you’re having, life’s too short to be in an unhappy relationship that isn’t working.
Being in a happy, giving relationship is one of the best feelings you’ll ever experience, I wish everyone the best in finding their perfect partner, and enjoying all of lives experiences together.
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.